Send us a text with a question or thought on this episode ( We cannot replay from this link)
Have you ever felt dismissed or misunderstood when discussing your chronic pain? Ellie, an endowarrior and licensed professional counselor, addresses this important issue as she shares her personal journey with endometriosis. We hear her firsthand experiences dealing with chronic pain and periods, and her struggles to get a diagnosis in a medical community that often overlooks these conditions. Ellie’s story will inspire you, and her insights will shed light on the complexities of living with endometriosis.
Imagine living with a complex web of chronic pain, endometriosis, and eating disorders, all while trying to maintain your mental health. Ellie invites us to explore this labyrinth with her as she discusses the difficulties of managing food sensitivities, engaging in meaningful conversation with our bodies, and maintaining mental health in the face of chronic illness. We delve into the world of body grief – the grieving process for the gap between the life we envisioned for ourselves and our current reality – and how to navigate this process with grace and understanding.
But it’s not just about the struggle – it’s also about finding solutions. Ellie introduces us to the EndoTracker, a tool she developed to help endowarriors identify cyclical patterns and manage stressful periods. With sections dedicated to documenting body grief, it becomes a trusted companion for those living with endometriosis. We also discuss the importance of self-advocacy and support systems in managing mental health while dealing with chronic illnesses. Listen in, and join us in this empowering conversation about living and thriving with endometriosis.
Endotracker on Amazon
etsy downloadable
Website endobattery.com
Navigating Endometriosis and Adenomyosis Perspectives
Speaker 1
0:03
Welcome
to
Indobattery
,
where
I
share
about
my
endometriosis
and
adenomyosis
story
and
continue
learning
along
the
way
.
This
podcast
is
not
a
substitute
for
professional
medical
advice
or
diagnosis
,
but
a
place
to
equip
you
with
information
and
a
sense
of
community
,
ensuring
you
never
have
to
face
this
journey
alone
.
Join
me
as
I
navigate
the
ups
and
downs
and
share
stories
of
strength
,
resilience
and
hope
.
While
navigating
the
world
of
endometriosis
and
adenomyosis
,
from
personal
experience
to
expert
insights
,
I'm
your
host
,
elana
,
and
this
is
Indobattery
charging
our
lives
when
endometriosis
drains
us
.
Welcome
back
to
Indobattery
.
Today
,
I
am
joined
by
my
guest
,
ellie
,
and
she
has
a
perspective
that
is
unique
to
her
but
will
also
allow
you
to
feel
seen
in
your
journey
with
endometriosis
.
So
go
ahead
and
grab
a
cup
of
tea
or
a
cup
of
coffee
and
join
us
as
we
unravel
just
her
story
and
the
things
that
she
is
doing
to
change
the
community
for
endometriosis
.
Here
we
go
.
Welcome
,
ellie
.
Thanks
for
coming
on
.
Thanks
for
joining
me
.
I
was
introduced
to
you
by
Pelvic4pt
.
Yes
,
I
can
say
that
.
Speaker 3
1:16
Yes
,
magical
unicorn
human
.
Speaker 1
1:19
The
magical
unicorn
human
.
Speaker 1
1:20
But
your
story
is
one
that
I
think
a
lot
of
people
can
resonate
with
.
But
you
also
have
a
unique
perspective
because
you're
not
just
not
just
I
don't
say
that
lightly
you're
not
only
an
endowarrier
,
you're
also
a
licensed
professional
counselor
.
So
you
see
things
from
a
different
perspective
,
a
different
lens
,
not
only
as
a
patient
,
but
you're
seeing
this
also
as
a
practitioner
of
sorts
.
But
you
have
the
ability
to
see
life
differently
as
well
,
and
I
love
that
.
We've
just
been
talking
a
lot
.
That's
why
I
say
this
.
So
can
you
give
us
a
little
bit
of
a
background
about
your
story
and
who
you
are
?
Speaker 3
2:01
Sure
,
sure
.
I'm
one
of
the
many
who
it
took
a
long
time
to
get
diagnosed
with
endometriosis
.
My
pain
really
started
picking
up
at
about
18
,
pretty
noticeably
,
and
I
was
just
told
this
is
how
it
is
Periods
are
painful
.
We
learn
to
cope
,
we
learn
to
adapt
.
We
treat
people
with
kindness
,
regardless
of
what's
happening
,
and
over
the
years
the
pain
just
continued
to
get
worse
and
I
got
more
and
more
creative
with
different
solutions
to
well
,
what
if
I
use
an
ice
pack
?
What
if
I
use
a
hot
pack
?
What
if
I
tape
hand
warmers
to
the
insides
?
Speaker 3
2:43
of
my
jeans
to
get
through
these
days
where
you
know
I
can't
call
out
its
worker
at
school
or
both
or
.
And
did
end
up
seeing
a
gynecologist
in
my
early
20s
and
the
response
she
was
very
kind
,
but
it
was
very
much
take
more
ibuprofen
or
we
can
try
birth
control
and
go
from
there
.
I
did
not
respond
well
to
birth
control
and
so
I
just
started
taking
more
ibuprofen
and
thought
,
well
,
this
is
just
how
it
is
and
I
just
need
to
learn
to
work
it
through
and
maybe
I'm
just
maybe
I'm
just
like
overly
sensitive
to
pain
and
you
know
it'll
be
all
right
.
Speaker 3
3:26
Everybody
hurts
on
their
period
.
Speaker 1
3:28
But
there
wasn't
a
diagnosis
at
that
time
.
That
was
just
going
over
your
symptoms
.
It
wasn't
hey
,
you
have
endometriosis
.
It's
hey
,
periods
are
painful
.
Go
ahead
and
take
this
ibuprofen
Exactly
.
Speaker 3
3:39
Yeah
,
so
that
took
me
to
only
a
couple
of
years
ago
.
I'm
in
my
30s
now
and
I
don't
remember
exactly
how
I
ended
up
.
My
sisters
had
started
seeing
a
pelvic
floor
therapist
and
were
like
this
is
amazing
and
has
been
so
helpful
for
all
these
places
in
my
life
.
You
really
should
go
see
her
.
And
I
was
like
,
well
,
I
don't
have
anything
that
she
could
help
me
with
,
because
periods
are
painful
guys
.
And
I
did
end
up
caving
and
going
to
see
her
and
she
was
like
,
hey
friend
,
I
really
think
we
have
more
going
on
.
Here's
anyone
ever
talked
to
you
about
endometriosis
,
which
I
had
Googled
,
like
what
is
going
on
,
you
know
,
and
that
had
I
had
seen
it
before
online
,
that
word
but
I
think
because
I
couldn't
tick
off
every
single
symptom
in
the
list
,
I
was
like
,
well
,
that
can't
be
me
.
Speaker 1
4:34
Isn't
that
funny
how
we
think
like
we
look
at
things
on
online
,
on
the
is
some
call
it
on
the
Dr
the
Dr
and
just
because
we
don't
see
every
symptom
on
there
,
we
automatically
say
,
oh
,
that's
not
.
Yeah
,
that's
not
the
case
,
we
can't
possibly
have
that
.
Speaker 3
4:53
Yeah
,
my
periods
are
very
regular
.
I
don't
you
know
.
You
know
and
and
I'm
only
in
you
know
everybody's
in
pain
on
their
period
and
I
can
still
work
.
So
I
mean
,
I
can
work
with
a
hot
pad
stuck
to
my
insides
and
like
the
hand
warmers
taped
in
my
pant
lining
and
every
time
I
walk
into
the
office
everybody's
like
oh
,
ellie
,
are
you
feeling
okay
today
?
And
I'm
like
,
yeah
,
I'm
just
on
my
period
,
it's
fine
.
Speaker 1
5:19
Did
you
announce
that
every
time
you
walked
into
the
office
?
Basically
,
that's
awesome
.
Speaker 3
5:24
Because
people
saw
me
and
were
like
oh
my
God
,
you
are
not
well
and
I'd
be
like
oh
,
it's
just
a
period
,
everyone
feels
not
well
.
Yeah
.
And
I
did
get
sent
home
from
work
a
couple
of
times
because
they
were
like
you
just
look
terrible
,
you're
having
a
terrible
time
,
you're
like
,
and
now
.
Speaker 1
5:41
I'm
having
complexes
because
I
look
terrible
now
Like
I
feel
terrible
.
And
now
you're
telling
me
I
look
terrible
.
Thanks
a
lot
for
that
.
Speaker 3
5:51
I
know
.
So
I
have
to
use
one
of
my
days
of
PTO
for
this
.
So
it
took
a
little
while
.
I
kept
telling
my
pelvic
floor
PT
.
I
kept
telling
her
like
no
,
no
,
I
don't
think
this
is
actually
it
.
And
then
also
,
at
the
same
time
,
being
,
well
,
I
don't
want
it
to
be
that
.
So
,
and
what
if
?
What
?
If
?
I'm
like
sure
,
let's
do
excision
surgery
,
let's
go
in
,
and
then
it's
not
there
.
And
then
I
finally
come
to
terms
with
how
,
just
how
miserable
I
really
am
on
a
regular
basis
and
that's
not
the
answer
.
And
now
I've
spent
all
this
money
and
all
this
time
and
we're
at
square
one
,
like
we
have
no
answers
.
And
she
just
kept
like
coaching
me
through
,
like
I
really
think
that
this
is
something
that
you
should
pursue
and
talk
to
an
expert
about
.
Speaker 1
6:40
And
she
is
a
little
pushy
not
pushy
in
like
the
bad
way
,
but
she
will
continue
to
advocate
for
you
in
that
space
of
like
I
can't
be
the
end
,
all
be
all
with
this
,
like
you
need
to
see
someone
that
can
really
genuinely
help
you
with
this
.
I
think
we
do
need
to
mention
that
you
are
the
sole
provider
for
yourself
,
too
,
so
there
was
a
lot
of
concern
there
when
you're
talking
about
surgery
and
treatment
and
a
really
expensive
disease
.
We
all
know
that
there's
so
much
of
this
that
isn't
covered
.
You're
you
know
we
were
just
talking
about
the
amount
spent
on
feminine
product
or
period
products
that
are
.
You
know
it
feels
like
a
waste
,
but
yet
you
have
to
have
it
,
and
so
you're
not
only
dealing
with
the
financial
part
of
that
and
you
were
in
were
you
in
school
a
lot
of
this
time
as
well
.
Speaker 3
7:30
I
was
in
school
and
then
part
of
the
process
to
become
a
licensed
professional
counselor
in
Colorado
is
you
have
to
do
postgraduate
supervised
practice
.
So
you're
making
very
little
money
for
until
you
get
your
2000
hours
supervised
,
which
a
lot
of
hours
,
a
lot
of
hours
.
Speaker 1
7:49
I
mean
,
if
good
,
like
we
want
that
right
.
Speaker 3
7:51
You
definitely
want
the
oversight
and
the
support
you
know
in
those
first
years
and
it's
a
long
time
it's
a
long
time
where
things
feel
pretty
.
You
know
I
don't
have
extra
flex
in
the
budget
for
things
,
so
surgery
or
care
,
or
you
know
,
I
didn't
go
to
the
doctor
,
I
didn't
,
I
just
tried
everything
said
,
you
know
,
to
try
and
drink
teas
and
I
don't
know
,
tried
different
,
like
lotions
,
like
the
warming
balms
,
and
you
know
,
just
to
try
to
keep
everything
together
so
that
I
could
keep
working
and
yeah
,
I
think
that's
what
a
lot
of
us
do
is
,
the
expense
of
the
disease
is
not
one
that
a
lot
of
us
can
really
afford
,
and
yet
you
can't
afford
not
to
do
something
about
it
.
Speaker 1
8:39
You
get
stuck
in
that
conundrum
of
sorts
because
you're
like
okay
,
I
need
treatment
or
help
,
but
I
also
need
to
make
a
living
,
and
the
living
is
not
quite
as
much
as
the
disease
is
costing
me
.
So
what
do
I
do
now
?
You
know
it's
like
do
I
take
out
a
loan
for
this
?
Do
I
,
you
know
,
work
extra
hours
,
which
I
can
hardly
work
now
.
Speaker 3
9:01
So
it
just
feel
like
that
is
a
challenge
.
Working
more
hours
brings
up
your
stress
,
which
makes
your
pain
worse
.
You
know
,
it's
just
.
It's
a
very
tricky
position
to
be
in
.
Speaker 3
9:13
And
so
for
a
lot
of
years
I
just
held
myself
together
with
whatever
I
could
cobble
together
and
,
like
I
said
,
it
wasn't
until
the
last
couple
of
years
that
I
got
connected
with
an
excision
specialist
and
did
end
up
having
excision
surgery
about
a
year
and
a
half
ago
,
which
was
definitely
the
right
choice
for
me
and
because
I'm
my
sole
provider
,
it's
me
you
know
,
that
was
very
stressful
to
try
to
figure
out
how
do
I
do
this
.
Speaker 3
9:39
And
then
again
,
what
if
they
go
in
and
there's
nothing
there
,
Right
?
So
that
was
actually
my
first
question
coming
and
coming
out
of
anesthesia
.
My
doctor
was
standing
at
the
end
of
my
bed
doing
something
in
the
chart
and
I
said
did
you
find
it
?
And
he
said
,
are
you
awake
right
now
?
And
I
said
yep
,
Did
you
find
it
?
And
he
said
yep
,
and
that
was
a
huge
in
that
moment
.
It
was
a
huge
relief
to
be
like
,
oh
my
gosh
,
we
found
it
,
we
found
it
,
we
found
it
.
Speaker 3
10:15
I
have
an
answer
for
at
least
part
of
what's
happening
.
So
and
yeah
,
I
know
that
I'm
very
aware
that
excision
surgery
and
some
of
these
treatment
options
insurance
does
not
cover
for
a
lot
of
folks
.
And
I
did
end
up
making
a
job
change
a
couple
of
years
before
surgery
because
I
knew
I
was
going
to
,
I
needed
,
I
knew
I
needed
more
medical
support
.
I
just
didn't
know
what
that
was
and
I
knew
that
this
job
that
I
have
currently
the
benefits
would
allow
me
to
access
care
.
So
I
think
that
too
is
an
interesting
part
of
anemitiosis
.
It's
factoring
even
into
where
you
work
.
Speaker 1
10:51
Yeah
,
oh
yeah
,
Because
of
things
like
benefits
or
capability
,
if
you
have
a
very
physical
job
.
Chances
are
if
you're
in
the
midst
of
a
flare
or
your
period
is
really
bad
.
You
may
not
be
able
to
function
if
you're
a
nurse
or
if
you're
even
a
doctor
,
because
you
know
it
doesn't
discriminate
,
I
just
think
between
here
in
the
US
and
this
is
different
for
everyone
everywhere
.
Speaker 1
11:17
but
here
in
the
US
,
if
you
don't
have
good
coverage
,
everything
comes
out
of
your
pocket
,
which
it
sometimes
it
already
does
,
because
a
lot
of
practitioners
and
doctors
and
specialists
are
out
of
anyway
.
Your
excision
specialist
was
covered
by
insurance
,
which
is
huge
,
very
fortunate
,
very
fortunate
.
So
that
played
a
part
in
it
,
though
,
but
I
think
that
to
say
that
it
isn't
still
a
financial
strain
because
you're
missing
out
on
work
at
this
point
to
even
have
surgery
,
even
if
you
have
coverage
and
benefits
to
cover
those
days
.
Speaker 3
11:53
Using
PTO
.
I
think
it
was
also
hard
to
say
hey
,
I'm
going
to
be
gone
for
this
chunk
of
time
,
and
that
always
feels
a
little
risky
you
know
,
of
I'm
going
to
be
out
for
weeks
,
and
how
does
that
impact
how
my
job
perceives
me
?
Yeah
,
You're
just
only
trying
it
.
Yeah
,
the
unseen
costs
.
Speaker 1
12:19
I
think
that
if
you
live
it
,
it's
right
there
,
but
if
you
don't
,
harder
to
see
and
it's
harder
to
explain
that
to
even
you
know
you're
in
the
profession
of
like
counseling
and
you're
seeing
all
this
stuff
,
but
it's
even
still
hard
for
people
in
your
industry
to
see
the
major
effects
of
endometriosis
on
a
body
,
yes
,
and
what
it
is
capable
of
doing
in
our
physical
body
,
but
in
our
mind
and
our
fatigue
?
Did
you
have
a
lot
of
fatigue
issues
too
?
Oh
my
gosh
,
I
did
do
so
much
.
Speaker 3
12:57
I
always
felt
so
bad
but
like
the
one
to
two
o'clock
hour
.
Yes
,
oh
my
gosh
,
it
was
like
physically
painful
.
You're
so
tired
.
Yeah
,
and
nothing
I
did
ever
made
it
go
away
,
it
just
ugh
.
And
you're
also
trying
to
be
present
for
people's
stories
and
free
and
old
sessions
and
providing
your
full
and
engaged
self
,
and
that's
hard
to
do
when
you're
in
pain
and
so
tired
.
Yeah
,
you
know
,
managing
your
own
symptoms
,
wanting
to
provide
the
best
possible
care
.
Speaker 1
13:34
Right
,
it
is
hard
,
but
something
that
we
haven't
mentioned
yet
is
that
you
specialize
in
your
counseling
.
What
you
typically
do
is
disordered
eating
.
Speaker 3
13:46
Correct
Yep
Eating
disorders
.
Speaker 1
13:48
Yeah
,
yep
,
and
so
we
were
just
talking
about
this
before
we
started
recording
.
But
the
correlation
with
endometriosis
,
if
you
have
EDS
,
hypermobility
or
any
kind
of
EDS
or
any
sensitivities
to
food
.
It's
very
common
for
endometriosis
patients
to
have
some
sort
of
eating
disorder
and
it
may
not
be
your
typical
like
we're
not
going
to
eat
for
days
,
your
typical
presentation
.
Yeah
,
the
typical
presentation
of
it
.
What
does
that
look
like
when
you're
dealing
with
chronic
pain
,
chronic
illness
,
people
with
eating
disorders
?
Speaker 3
14:28
Yeah
,
so
we
do
have
a
diagnosis
.
Avoidant
restrictive
food
intake
disorder
would
be
what
I
would
typically
say
.
That
would
fall
under
Again
,
diagnoses
are
only
there
to
help
identify
a
set
of
symptoms
and
provide
something
that
we
can
then
attach
treatment
protocols
to
.
In
no
way
is
it
supposed
to
have
any
sort
of
moral
implications
which
I
think
is
always
important
to
say
when
you
talk
about
mental
health
diagnoses
.
Speaker 1
14:54
Right
.
Speaker 3
14:55
Just
because
we
are
still
working
through
society
,
the
stigma
of
a
diagnosis
Right
.
So
with
chronic
pain
,
I
do
think
that
is
the
diagnosis
I
see
most
commonly
ARFID
,
and
I
think
it's
a
really
tricky
thing
.
Eating
disorders
in
particular
,
it's
the
conversation
between
you
and
your
body
,
the
relationship
between
you
and
your
body
,
and
when
your
body
doesn't
feel
safe
to
be
in
,
when
your
body
is
constantly
hurting
,
it's
not
going
to
feel
nice
to
be
in
your
body
,
and
mindfulness
exercises
and
a
lot
of
those
pretty
common
recommendations
that
you'll
get
from
mental
health
providers
are
really
hard
.
It's
not
a
peaceful
place
to
land
in
your
body
.
Mm-hmm
.
Speaker 3
15:38
When
it
hurts
,
when
you're
tired
,
when
the
signal's
at
sending
you
are
agonizing
.
Mm-hmm
.
And
that
can
become
a
pretty
conflicted
relationship
.
Complex Relationship
Speaker 3
15:47
So
I
think
too
,
when
you
start
to
build
associations
with
when
I
eat
this
food
,
I
feel
bad
or
I
experience
these
symptoms
whether
it's
diarrhea
or
vomiting
or
stomach
pain
your
brain
is
built
to
help
protect
you
from
pain
,
right
,
so
it
will
reinforce
those
pathways
,
which
then
creates
a
whole
new
fun
time
of
of
like
.
I
expect
that
I'll
feel
bad
when
I
eat
this
.
Speaker 3
16:13
So
I
will
,
and
then
I
feel
even
more
like
I
will
feel
bad
when
I
eat
this
.
So
I
do
feel
,
you
know
,
it's
a
vicious
cycle
.
Mm-hmm
.
And
I
think
it's
hard
too
,
because
when
you're
dealing
with
some
of
these
diagnoses
,
there
are
food
sensitivities
and
there
are
things
where
,
yeah
,
there
are
some
foods
that
your
body
may
function
better
without
.
Mm-hmm
.
Speaker 3
16:35
And
then
you're
restricting
foods
and
it
just
it
can
get
really
tricky
.
And
so
I
think
,
having
a
lot
of
grace
for
yourself
and
a
lot
of
you're
not
weird
or
wrong
,
or
for
I
don't
want
to
land
in
my
body
,
I
don't
want
to
listen
to
what
my
body
has
to
say
,
I
just
want
to
do
what
I
want
to
do
,
Right
?
Or
I'm
too
tired
to
eat
?
Yes
,
I'm
too
tired
.
It's
too
much
effort
,
Like
it
all
makes
so
much
sense
why
we
land
where
we
do
.
Yeah
,
so
you
know
,
from
a
treatment
perspective
,
how
do
we
help
re-engage
in
that
conversation
with
our
body
of
I
don't
like
what
you're
telling
me
,
right
?
Speaker 3
17:09
now
but
we
gotta
live
together
,
we
gotta
do
this
together
,
we
gotta
find
a
way
forward
,
right
?
And
what
does
that
mean
and
what's
doable
?
And
I
think
for
every
person
that's
going
to
look
a
bit
different
.
Yeah
,
which
is
always
the
fun
,
delightful
answer
.
Yeah
,
and
I
think
when
you're
dealing
with
complex
things
like
EDS
and
endometriosis
because
folks
experience
variation
of
those
things
and
then
they
overlay
together
,
and
then
,
yes
,
I
think
eating
disorders
are
pretty
common
,
or
even
just
you
know
that
disordered
eating
,
difficult
relationship
with
food
,
like
there's
a
lot
there
.
Speaker 1
17:46
Right
,
and
I
think
that
what
we
have
to
be
aware
of
,
too
,
is
that
it's
not
your
fault
,
no
,
and
that
is
something
that
I
feel
like
I
don't
know
if
you
have
heard
this
before
but
,
it's
just
,
I
feel
like
when
you
go
to
a
doctor
sometimes
and
they
don't
really
know
or
can
really
articulate
,
or
they
can't
comprehend
your
pain
,
they
don't
know
that
you're
not
eating
because
you're
in
pain
or
you're
too
tired
.
Speaker 3
18:12
They're
like
well
something
else
is
going
on
.
Speaker 1
18:14
Maybe
this
is
what's
really
going
on
.
Speaker 3
18:16
They'll
navigate
you
that
direction
.
Speaker 1
18:18
Or
they
say
your
pain
,
you're
crazy
,
go
see
someone
for
it
,
Right
.
And
then
that
I
mean
I'm
the
type
of
person
that
I
say
this
because
I
know
from
my
experience
I
will
not
eat
if
I
feel
like
I'm
crazy
sometimes
,
because
I
can't
organize
the
thought
of
,
ok
,
I've
got
to
take
one
step
in
front
of
the
other
,
oh
,
now
I
have
to
go
make
myself
food
.
What
that's
inconvenient
,
you
know
,
and
it's
not
that
I'm
trying
to
torture
myself
,
it's
that
it's
an
afterthought
,
right
?
So
when
we're
talking
eating
disorder
and
when
we're
talking
pain
management
,
and
when
we're
talking
.
Speaker 1
18:54
all
of
this
,
it's
going
to
manifest
very
differently
for
everyone
.
Yes
,
and
it's
going
to
manifest
,
whether
it's
pain
,
whether
it's
because
of
mental
health
trauma
,
whether
it's
from
just
you
know
,
it
could
just
be
that
you're
tired
and
you
don't
have
the
energy
to
get
up
and
make
something
and
nothing
sounds
good
.
Speaker 1
19:15
That
is
often
my
issue
of
like
.
That
doesn't
sound
good
,
why
would
I
put
that
in
my
body
?
I
have
no
appetite
for
that
,
you
know
.
And
to
say
that
it's
a
disorder
we
need
to
destigmatize
,
that
it
is
a
way
of
managing
how
to
fuel
our
bodies
,
I
feel
like
.
And
connecting
the
mental
state
to
the
body
state
,
and
how
do
we
combine
the
two
?
Speaker 3
19:40
Yeah
,
I
mean
,
I
think
anytime
chronic
pain
is
involved
,
it's
just
infinitely
more
nuanced
and
I
think
practitioners
need
to
go
to
,
about
asking
questions
about
OK
,
so
tell
me
more
about
you
know
,
when
you
didn't
eat
yesterday
,
tell
me
more
about
that
,
like
what
was
happening
for
you
.
And
then
I
think
,
on
the
other
end
,
you
know
,
trying
to
figure
out
a
utilitarian
eating
is
maybe
what
I
would
refer
to
it
as
which
sometimes
we
do
have
to
eat
,
even
when
we
don't
feel
like
.
It
Doesn't
mean
we
can
do
that
every
time
,
you
know
.
I
mean
I've
had
bad
pain
days
where
,
no
,
I
haven't
eaten
much
because
I
have
been
in
too
much
pain
to
get
up
to
make
something
you
know
and
then
you're
just
doing
what
you
can
and
that's
OK
.
Speaker 3
20:20
That's
OK
,
you're
doing
what
you
can
and
also
recognizing
that
you
know
for
myself
and
my
own
symptoms
.
I
know
that
my
pain
will
be
worse
if
I
don't
eat
and
I
will
have
a
harder
time
coping
with
that
pain
emotionally
because
my
body
does
not
have
the
fuel
it
needs
for
me
to
use
my
coping
skills
.
So
,
finding
things
that
even
if
it's
rice
cakes
,
I
mean
really
simple
things
that
I
can
keep
on
hand
,
that
I
don't
have
to
cook
,
I
don't
have
to
heat
up
cans
of
soup
,
that's
fine
,
that's
great
.
They're
shelf
stable
.
You
can
use
them
when
you
eat
.
Speaker 3
20:59
And
so
try
to
keep
those
always
on
hand
,
a
few
things
that
I
know
I
can
eat
to
try
to
give
my
body
what
it
needs
to
go
through
what
it's
going
through
,
regardless
of
whether
I
maybe
feel
like
it
or
want
to
.
So
,
striking
that
balance
of
like
I
can
only
do
what
I
can
do
Right
and
also
,
again
,
for
myself
.
I
know
I'll
do
better
if
I
can
even
have
a
little
bit
.
Speaker 1
21:26
Right
.
Is
there
a
correlation
between
eating
and
the
heightened
state
of
pain
,
mentally
Like
?
Is
there
?
If
we're
not
fueling
our
body
,
does
our
brain
signal
to
us
that
we're
in
a
higher
state
of
pain
or
distress
?
I
mean
you're
?
Speaker 3
21:42
going
to
have
a
higher
cortisol
.
You're
going
to
have
a
harder
time
.
Speaker 3
21:45
You're
like
your
body
does
,
especially
,
I
think
of
the
fight
or
flight
instinct
rate
of
your
body
saying
,
hey
,
we're
in
a
life-threatening
situation
,
Like
your
body
is
doing
a
lot
when
you're
in
a
lot
of
pain
,
when
you're
dealing
with
a
lot
of
symptoms
,
and
I
think
of
it
as
I
mean
.
You
could
use
a
lot
of
different
metaphors
.
But
if
I
had
somebody
out
battling
a
forest
fire
,
I
wouldn't
expect
them
to
go
without
food
and
water
and
they
are
going
to
have
a
harder
time
making
calm
decisions
.
They're
going
to
have
a
harder
time
knowing
when
they
need
to
pull
back
,
when
they
need
to
move
forward
.
You're
going
to
have
a
harder
time
.
So
,
in
general
,
if
you're
giving
your
body
what
it
needs
,
your
blood
sugar
is
going
to
be
more
stable
.
Is
my
understanding
?
Again
,
I'm
not
a
medical
provider
.
Speaker 3
22:34
But
your
blood
sugar
is
going
to
be
more
stable
,
which
is
going
to
help
you
be
more
stable
.
Your
emotions
are
going
to
be
more
stable
.
You're
going
to
be
less
likely
to
go
into
that
fight
or
freeze
response
,
which
pain
is
a
trauma
.
Yeah
,
so
that
would
not
be
uncommon
for
you
to
have
that
kind
of
a
response
.
I
don't
have
the
specific
research
,
but
caring
for
your
body
as
it
does
its
best
,
it's
always
always
giving
you
100%
of
what
it
has
Always
,
and
that
100%
may
not
be
the
100%
that
we
want
,
right
,
you
know
,
it
might
be
about
1%
of
what
we
feel
like
we
should
be
able
to
do
,
but
it's
100%
for
the
day
.
Speaker 3
23:20
It
is
always
it's
100%
.
Speaker 1
23:22
That
means
that
we
need
to
give
ourselves
a
little
bit
more
grace
than
we
do
,
because
we
aren't
going
at
the
pace
that
society
has
told
us
that
we
need
to
go
,
and
I
think
that
is
the
other
part
of
this
that
I
feel
like
for
me
has
been
a
challenge
,
because
then
I've
dealt
with
more
guilt
.
Speaker 1
23:39
Associated
with
having
a
chronic
disease
is
the
fact
that
I
have
felt
lazy
,
like
I
felt
like
I
just
need
to
sit
here
,
and
we
always
talk
about
give
yourself
grace
,
sit
down
,
take
a
break
,
do
what
you
need
to
do
with
your
body
,
but
that
doesn't
necessarily
translate
to
my
mental
.
Yeah
,
okay
,
my
mental
grace
,
if
you
will
Like
it
doesn't
translate
to
.
Speaker 1
24:04
It
is
okay
to
sit
down
,
and
there
are
moments
that
I
am
better
than
others
,
but
it
almost
creates
more
of
a
trauma
in
my
head
sometimes
when
I
don't
sit
down
Navigating Body Grief in Chronic Illness
Speaker 1
24:15
.
Yes
,
and
so
it's
a
really
good
thing
to
remember
that
your
body
is
giving
you
everything
that
it
can
.
Yes
,
you
know
,
that's
why
people
say
listen
to
your
body
.
Well
,
if
it
can
only
give
you
what
you
think
is
5%
,
it's
giving
you
at
100
,
even
if
you
think
it's
not
.
Speaker 3
24:32
Yes
,
exactly
,
exactly
.
Speaker 1
24:34
Ugh
,
where
were
you
my
whole
life
?
Speaker 3
24:38
I
know
I'm
sorry
and
it's
something
that
I
tell
myself
.
Like
in
the
last
month
I
have
had
to
tell
myself
I
have
cried
over
like
I
want
it
.
I
want
more
than
what
my
body
can
do
for
me
right
now
.
And
this
is
it
.
This
is
what
it
can
do
,
this
is
what
my
body
can
do
,
this
is
it's
100%
.
And
if
this
was
my
friend
,
if
this
was
my
niece
or
my
nephew
or
a
child
,
I
would
be
like
,
oh
my
gosh
,
you're
doing
so
great
,
right
so
.
And
for
me
,
then
that
pushes
more
into
like
,
oh
,
I
can
give
you
compassion
.
Then
I
can
give
you
empathy
.
Speaker 3
25:10
I
can
say
you
are
doing
so
great
,
while
also
honoring
the
fact
that
I'm
frustrated
and
I
want
to
be
able
to
do
more
,
and
I
want
to
be
able
to
see
more
and
be
in
less
pain
and
be
more
.
Quote
unquote
normal
.
Oh
what
is
normal
.
What
is
normal
we
say
?
I
think
we
say
that
,
but
then
I
think
we
all
also
have
an
idea
in
our
heads
of
what
it
is
.
Speaker 1
25:31
Yeah
.
Speaker 3
25:32
And
then
we
hold
ourself
to
that
standard
of
well
,
this
is
normal
,
and
then
we
beat
ourselves
up
for
it
,
which
is
like
we
become
our
own
collateral
damage
.
Oh
yeah
,
and
that
in
this
moment
,
with
the
margin
I
have
,
I
can
be
like
,
oh
,
that's
heartbreaking
,
that
I
can't
honor
that
my
body
is
doing
,
she's
giving
her
all
she's
got
.
Yeah
,
you
know
,
yeah
.
So
I
think
the
more
that
we
can
be
aware
of
that
,
the
more
that
we
can
start
shifting
those
mental
patterns
to
have
more
grace
,
to
have
more
space
,
and
then
,
weirdly
,
we're
more
able
to
cope
with
pain
.
I
am
more
able
to
cope
with
pain
when
I
can
say
,
okay
,
this
is
what
you
can
do
,
right
,
and
this
is
what
we've
got
.
And
okay
,
I
see
you
doing
your
best
.
Okay
,
I
hear
you
.
Right
,
I
will
be
here
with
you
and
we
will
figure
the
rest
out
.
Speaker 1
26:23
Yeah
,
yeah
,
but
that
also
doesn't
mean
that
you
can't
grieve
what
you
wish
you
could
do
.
Speaker 3
26:29
Oh
yeah
.
Speaker 1
26:30
I
hear
so
many
people
say
I
feel
like
I'm
grieving
right
now
and
you
do
.
Oh
yeah
,
All
the
time
,
oh
yeah
.
What
are
some
of
the
stages
of
grief
?
I
know
that
some
people
are
aware
of
that
and
some
aren't
,
but
what
are
some
stages
of
grief
when
you're
dealing
with
chronic
pain
and
a
chronic
disease
?
Speaker 3
26:48
So
this
is
a
newer
area
for
me
,
but
there
is
a
terminology
I
don't
remember
her
name
,
jane
Mattingly
maybe
is
one
who
talks
a
lot
about
and
she
has
a
book
coming
out
early
next
year
.
She
talks
a
lot
about
body
grief
and
chronic
pain
and
how
this
is
what
I
thought
my
life
would
be
and
this
is
what
my
life
is
.
Speaker 3
27:10
And
you
have
to
grieve
,
really
grieve
,
the
distance
between
the
two
of
those
things
,
and
so
the
stages
of
grief
are
more
of
a
what
this
one
person
noticed
about
grief
and
put
together
,
versus
something
that
we've
put
together
through
a
research
study
or
something
like
that
.
So
I'm
definitely
curious
to
hear
more
about
it
,
but
it's
not
a
new
concept
.
I
guess
the
idea
of
body
grief
and
how
do
I
be
in
a
body
that
feels
so
different
from
everyone
else
and
on
a
daily
,
minute
by
minute
,
sometimes
reminder
of
like
I
can't
do
that
,
I
can't
do
that
,
I
can't
do
that
,
I
can't
do
that
?
Speaker 3
27:54
I
can't
do
that
that's
,
especially
in
Western
culture
,
really
hard
to
honor
because
we
just
struggle
in
general
with
honoring
grief
.
Speaker 3
28:07
So
then
,
when
you
add
in
chronic
pain
and
unseen
conditions
where
people
are
already
questioning
,
well
,
you're
not
in
that
much
pain
.
Everybody
has
a
period
that
hurts
you're
dealing
with
a
lot
of
complexity
.
That's
very
hard
to
tease
out
If
you've
never
heard
the
word
body
grief
or
endometrosis
or
those
are
very
real
things
that
are
super
important
and
healthy
and
a
part
of
the
process
,
and
you
can't
not
do
it
,
you
can't
skip
it
.
Grief
is
always
something
that
you
have
to
sit
with
until
it
says
otherwise
.
Speaker 1
28:42
And
I
know
just
from
personal
experience
in
I've
lost
my
brother
at
a
really
young
age
he
was
15
when
he
passed
away
and
I
remember
my
mom
,
her
stage
of
grief
she
didn't
wanna
eat
and
I
think
the
same
can
be
true
with
body
grief
and
not
wanting
to
eat
and
not
wanting
to
treat
your
body
kindly
because
it's
not
being
very
kind
to
you
,
and
I
think
I
mean
again
,
I'm
not
the
licensed
one
here
,
but
just
personal
experience
would
lead
to
say
that
if
you
are
grieving
on
top
of
everything
else
that
you're
feeling
,
if
you're
having
body
grief
or
you're
grieving
in
some
way
or
another
,
you're
less
likely
to
want
to
eat
.
Or
you
could
overeat
sometimes
.
And
then
you
feel
worse
because
your
hormones
are
all
out
of
whack
right
.
Speaker 1
29:33
So
when
we're
talking
about
all
of
these
things
,
they're
very
complex
and
it's
a
very
hard
thing
to
navigate
and
you
do
need
to
talk
to
someone
who
is
licensed
.
It
is
not
just
your
mental
state
,
especially
when
you're
dealing
with
a
chronic
illness
like
your
body
and
your
mind
are
they
work
together
or
they
don't
?
Sometimes
yeah
.
Speaker 1
29:58
Yes
,
right
,
yes
,
yes
,
and
so
just
trying
to
navigate
.
Okay
,
am
I
being
kind
to
my
mind
,
am
I
?
Being
kind
to
my
body
.
Am
I
honoring
my
grief
,
Mm-hmm
absolutely
100%
Like
it's
gonna
look
different
for
everyone
.
Yeah
.
But
they
can
all
go
together
hand
in
hand
.
I
feel
like
just
from
my
experience
of
okay
,
I'm
grieving
,
now
I
don't
feel
like
eating
,
but
how
can
I
get
broth
in
me
Perfect
,
you
know
,
and
simple
things
like
that
how
can
I
just
get
some
broth
Just
to
put
something
in
my
body
?
Speaker 3
30:35
Because
if
we
had
a
dear
friend
who
was
grieving
the
loss
of
someone
close
to
them
,
extremely
common
and
in
fact
is
not
considered
I
don't
love
this
word
,
but
it's
not
considered
pathological
for
someone
grieving
to
not
eat
up
to
a
certain
point
.
Speaker 2
30:55
And
then
we
start
looking
at
okay
,
is
there
more
happening
here
?
Speaker 3
30:59
And
if
that's
considered
normal
and
does
not
meet
criteria
for
any
diagnosis
,
like
there
is
some
grace
here
for
,
yeah
,
if
you
can
,
if
you
know
,
we
would
show
up
to
our
friend's
house
and
we
would
offer
them
what
we
could
.
Right
.
Speaker 3
31:12
You
know
,
maybe
that
is
broth
Right
.
We
would
show
up
and
say
,
hey
,
yeah
,
you
had
some
broth
,
great
,
right
,
let's
start
there
.
And
when
you're
ready
,
you
know
,
they'll
get
back
into
it
.
But
when
we're
in
that
intense
period
of
grief
which
absolutely
can
happen
coming
to
terms
with
a
diagnosis
like
endometriosis
,
if
or
just
my
life
isn't
gonna
look
like
I
thought
that
it
was
going
to
,
you
know
,
I
think
there's
so
many
things
that
come
with
endometriosis
whether
that's
infertility
difficulties
,
and
you
know
they're
painful
,
painful
things
that
come
from
this
as
an
extension
,
regardless
of
the
original
endometriosis
diagnosis
like
grief
,
I
would
be
more
concerned
as
a
therapist
if
someone
were
not
grieving
.
I
would
have
more
concern
for
that
and
as
a
part
of
that
grieving
process
,
yeah
,
that
is
also
gonna
impact
your
appetite
,
your
sleep
,
your
mood
,
all
of
those
things
.
And
if
that
persists
and
you
know
you're
really
having
trouble
coming
out
of
that
,
then
yes
,
we
definitely
need
to
involve
someone
to
help
support
you
,
support
your
body
,
support
your
mind
,
support
your
emotions
,
and
grief
is
gonna
it's
a
systemic
impact
.
Speaker 1
32:28
Yeah
,
this
disease
is
a
whole
body
,
whole
life
,
whole
everything
.
Yeah
,
it's
what
a
delight
,
yeah
,
isn't
it
though
?
Isn't
it
though
?
And
have
you
walked
through
that
yourself
in
your
diagnosis
?
Because
your
diagnosis
,
this
is
not
like
you've
had
it
for
years
and
years
and
years
.
Speaker 3
32:45
This
is
really
kind
of
fairly
new
yeah
,
the
diagnosis
itself
yeah
,
it's
only
been
a
year
and
a
half
that
was
confirmed
.
So
,
yeah
,
definitely
.
I
mean
,
like
I
said
,
in
the
last
month
I
have
cried
out
of
frustration
because
I
was
asking
my
body
to
do
what
I
thought
was
reasonable
and
normal
and
watching
my
friends
and
my
family
having
no
issues
and
being
like
I
don't
understand
.
I
don't
just
have
periods
I
have
to
plan
for
,
I
have
to
bring
things
.
Speaker 3
33:22
I
have
to
it's
a
more
complicated
event
and
I
do
feel
sometimes
very
resentful
of
that
,
of
this
is
not
what
I
would
have
wanted
to
be
spending
my
time
on
.
So
trying
to
honor
that
and
that
those
feelings
are
real
and
valid
and
a
part
of
the
process
,
they're
normal
,
they're
healthy
and
I
don't
want
to
live
in
a
place
of
resentment
.
I
can
camp
out
there
for
a
while
,
that's
fine
,
Appreciate
the
view
,
but
I
don't
wanna
build
my
house
there
.
I
don't
wanna
live
there
because
I
have
too
much
at
this
point
in
my
relationship
with
my
body
.
Speaker 3
33:59
I
have
too
much
respect
for
it
my
body
and
myself
to
live
there
and
she's
done
too
much
.
Yeah
,
she
survived
too
much
,
and
that
is
a
daily
practice
.
That
is
a
when
I'm
feeling
more
grouchy
,
that's
a
lot
harder
to
say
.
So
I
you
know
.
I
wanna
couch
that
I
have
too
much
respect
for
my
body
in
.
We're
human
and
that's
gonna
fluctuate
.
That's
not
a
static
state
.
That's
gonna
fluctuate
and
that
is
also
okay
.
So
I
think
for
folks
to
understand
that
you're
not
just
gonna
like
arrive
at
some
in
years
of
that
magical
state
,
or
in
the
mullies
.
Speaker 3
34:37
Yeah
,
and
the
more
you
,
the
more
that
I
learn
about
my
symptoms
and
the
more
that
I
learn
and
the
more
that
I
integrate
,
like
,
oh
,
that's
what
that
was
when
I
told
that
provider
,
like
it
was
the
weirdest
thing
that
my
vision
,
my
periphery
,
it
went
kind
of
gray
and
I
don't
know
what
that
was
.
Speaker 3
34:53
Yeah
,
and
this
is
so
weird
.
It's
so
weird
that
that
happened
to
me
and
not
having
the
provider
say
so
.
Hon
,
you
almost
passed
out
because
you
were
in
so
much
pain
.
Nobody
ever
said
that
to
me
.
Nobody
ever
told
me
and
I
don't
know
what
I
thought
was
happening
,
but
I
didn't
think
it
was
that
I
was
about
to
pass
out
.
Yeah
,
and
nobody
told
me
.
Yeah
,
and
I
think
I
feel
that's
one
of
the
pieces
I
think
I've
been
trying
to
integrate
of
like
I
didn't
understand
what
my
body
was
telling
me
and
I
went
to
people
to
help
me
understand
what
was
happening
and
they
didn't
have
any
tools
for
me
and
I
.
That
is
the
part
right
now
that
I
think
I
struggle
the
most
,
with
anger
and
hurt
and
grief
around
of
like
that
was
seven
years
ago
when
I
told
you
that
yeah
.
Speaker 1
35:42
I
could
have
solved
this
a
long
time
ago
.
Speaker 3
35:44
It
was
seven
years
ago
.
You
could
have
been
like
hey
,
Ellie
,
that's
weird
,
that's
weird
yeah
.
Speaker 1
35:51
Which
and
that's
a
good
segue
to
what
you're
doing
now
and
the
things
that
you
have
created
because
that
piece
of
it
of
tracking
things
,
being
able
to
tell
your
doctor
okay
,
I
am
feeling
this
way
,
when
this
happens
,
my
body
is
doing
this
.
You
created
a
tracker
,
an
endometriosis
.
Is
it
endometriosis
specific
or
just
a
symptom
tracker
?
So
tell
us
kind
of
what
you've
created
with
that
to
be
able
to
help
navigate
talking
to
providers
,
family
members
and
everyone
in
between
.
Speaker 3
36:26
Yeah
,
so
I
did
create
a
symptom
tracker
.
It
is
geared
specifically
towards
endometriosis
,
but
I
think
a
lot
of
folks
could
potentially
use
it
,
because
my
lived
experience
is
endometriosis
.
Mm-hmm
.
Speaker 3
36:40
That's
a
lot
of
what
I
drew
from
,
but
basically
I
wanted
to
create
a
accessible
,
affordable
tool
for
folks
to
be
able
to
,
a
month
at
a
time
,
write
out
what's
happening
for
them
with
regard
to
their
symptoms
,
to
also
be
able
Creating an Endometriosis Tracking Tool
Speaker 3
36:57
to
identify
.
This
is
when
I
was
on
my
period
,
this
is
when
I
was
ovulating
,
because
there's
so
much
cyclical
symptoms
with
endometriosis
,
and
my
hope
being
that
then
you
could
lay
out
a
couple
months
at
a
time
and
really
see
what
your
pattern
is
with
a
provider
,
with
a
family
member
,
because
my
experience
was
I'd
come
in
and
say
things
like
,
yeah
,
I'm
losing
peripheral
vision
,
it
isn't
that
weird
,
but
they
always
felt
like
standoff
events
to
me
.
They
didn't
feel
like
,
no
,
no
,
this
has
happened
several
times
to
you
on
your
period
.
So
,
like
I
said
,
I
wanted
to
create
something
that
is
affordable
,
that
is
easy
to
use
,
that
you
can
see
at
a
glance
what's
happening
,
and
so
it's
called
the
endotracker
All
one
word
,
so
no
spaces
.
Speaker 3
37:44
It's
on
Amazon
as
a
printed
booklet
,
and
then
I
also
have
a
printable
version
on
Etsy
.
So
that's
the
first
resource
that
I
created
,
because
when
I
was
trying
to
track
,
when
the
pelvic
floor
PT
was
like
hey
,
I
think
you
need
to
look
into
this
.
One
of
the
things
she
recommended
was
tracking
my
symptoms
to
be
able
to
show
the
doctor
this
is
what's
happening
on
a
month
to
month
basis
and
I
just
didn't
find
anything
.
It
was
all
so
complicated
and
so
many
things
to
click
through
and
if
you
had
an
app
and
it
was
just
so
overwhelming
and
when
you're
already
dealing
with
fatigue
and
pain
and
all
this
other
stuff
,
it's
like
I
need
something
that's
simple
,
that
I
can
lay
by
the
side
of
my
bed
,
that
I
can
roll
over
at
the
end
of
the
day
and
be
like
,
yeah
,
my
pain
was
a
six
,
my
GI
system
,
I
had
these
symptoms
and
ta-da
Right
you
know
,
this
is
how
I
was
feeling
today
.
Speaker 3
38:40
Right
.
Speaker 1
38:41
I
was
at
a
heightened
state
of
stress
.
Speaker 3
38:43
Hystress
.
Speaker 1
38:45
I
was
having
a
hard
time
with
my
body
like
able
to
really
write
down
what
you
were
feeling
,
how
you
were
thinking
.
What
is
your
symptoms
?
Am
I
on
my
period
?
Am
I
not
?
That
type
of
thing
is
kind
of
what
you
were
like
okay
,
let's
do
this
.
Speaker 1
39:05
I'm
a
pen
and
paper
kind
of
person
.
I
am
not
tech
savvy
enough
to
open
apps
.
In
fact
,
I
have
a
ton
of
apps
that
I
had
used
,
but
I
would
use
it
for
like
a
day
or
two
and
that
was
kind
of
it
.
This
is
such
a
tangible
way
that
anyone
could
get
a
hold
of
it
and
you've
made
it
so
affordable
I
mean
less
than
$10
to
download
and
continue
printing
off
,
if
you
want
?
Speaker 3
39:31
Yep
,
there's
a
monthly
version
and
there's
a
yearly
version
.
So
if
you
just
wanted
to
get
the
monthly
and
off
three
and
just
do
it
for
three
months
,
great
.
If
you
want
to
get
the
yearly
one
and
start
wherever
month
you're
in
and
see
what
your
body's
doing
for
a
year
,
great
.
I
also
included
in
there
,
for
that
particular
resource
,
coping
plan
so
that
when
you're
having
a
hard
time
,
you've
got
a
tangible
,
you've
got
a
physical
reminder
of
like
,
okay
,
how
are
you
taking
care
of
yourself
,
not
just
physically
,
but
mentally
.
How
are
you
taking
care
of
yourself
?
Because
it
takes
a
lot
of
mental
fortitude
to
experience
that
much
pain
.
So
how
are
you
caring
for
yourself
,
mentally
,
emotionally
?
Speaker 3
40:10
So
that
is
also
included
in
the
Endo
Tracker
as
,
at
different
levels
of
pain
,
what
are
you
doing
?
So
that
,
also
,
if
you
have
your
support
person
,
your
loved
ones
,
you
wake
up
,
because
I've
had
this
happen
to
me
wake
up
in
the
middle
of
the
night
and
you're
like
in
an
eight
or
a
nine
and
I
have
had
to
call
people
using
Google
,
being
asking
to
call
a
family
member
for
me
to
come
and
help
because
I
could
not
care
for
myself
.
I
was
in
so
much
pain
,
but
I
also
don't
have
the
ability
to
tell
them
what
it
is
that
I
need
,
necessarily
so
to
be
able
to
have
something
that
your
family
members
or
loved
ones
,
your
support
people
,
they
know
this
is
where
you
go
.
This
is
what
I
can
tell
you
.
A
number
I
can
tell
you
where
I
am
right
now
on
a
pain
scale
.
Speaker 1
40:57
And
this
is
what
I
need
to
be
able
to
bring
me
back
down
Without
having
to
say
it
.
They
can
look
,
it's
like
their
guideline
to
help
them
.
Help
you
,
yes
and
not
just
physically
,
but
emotionally
.
Speaker 3
41:10
This
is
what
I
need
.
I
mean
,
I've
had
grocery
store
clerks
be
like
what
do
you
need
?
What
is
happening
?
You
are
not
well
.
Speaker 1
41:17
Do
we
need
to
call
someone
for
you
?
Speaker 3
41:19
And
that
was
very
humbling
.
But
yeah
,
so
this
is
created
partially
with
that
in
mind
,
of
this
is
how
you
can
help
me
.
This
is
what
I
need
.
Speaker 1
41:31
It's
also
something
tangible
to
hand
to
your
doctor
,
yes
,
which
I
think
is
huge
,
because
we
don't
always
put
the
pieces
together
and
it
may
not
be
something
that
we
think
is
a
big
deal
in
how
we
translate
our
care
or
how
we
translate
our
pain
to
,
or
even
what
we
do
to
help
our
pain
.
So
,
say
,
we
have
heating
pads
.
That's
the
only
thing
that's
going
to
help
you
.
Or
hand
warmers
stuck
to
our
pants
so
that
we
can
get
mine
.
Speaker 1
41:58
We
may
not
think
much
of
that
,
because
it's
we've
always
been
so
normal
,
so
normal
right
,
but
a
practitioner
or
a
care
provider
might
look
at
that
and
say
that's
not
really
that
normal
.
Speaker 3
42:08
Yes
,
yes
,
help
you
.
You
are
encapsulating
your
experience
and
the
provider
can
look
at
it
and
be
like
this
is
outside
of
the
normal
limits
.
This
is
again
I
don't
love
this
word
,
but
this
is
pathology
.
There
is
a
diagnosis
here
.
And
we
can
treat
this
.
That's
significant
,
yeah
,
yeah
,
because
we're
a
frog
in
boiling
water
and
don't
realize
that
we're
quite
as
miserable
as
we
are
.
I
think
we
know
we're
miserable
,
but
I
think
you
don't
know
how
much
space
it
really
has
taken
up
until
you
have
someone
point
out
,
right
?
Speaker 1
42:45
So
Well
,
and
also
,
I
think
too
,
if
there's
a
space
to
write
down
what
a
care
provider
has
said
to
you
that
maybe
was
triggering
and
that
was
something
that
you
could
take
to
a
mental
health
provider
and
say
this
was
triggering
to
me
and
this
is
why
that
was
triggering
to
me
.
Or
even
when
you're
seeking
care
through
another
provider
and
another
doctor
and
saying
this
doctor
,
this
is
what
they
said
to
me
,
it
triggered
this
emotion
,
this
response
within
my
body
.
And
is
there
a
way
?
Is
this
can't
be
normal
,
Right
,
Like
,
how
can
we
A
avoid
this
happening
again
,
Right
,
but
also
,
B
,
how
can
we
work
through
this
so
that
my
body
doesn't
have
that
response
?
Or
is
this
responding
a
certain
way
?
And
I
don't
know
the
answer
to
that
all
the
time
,
but
I
do
think
that
there
is
a
correlation
.
You
know
,
we
can
maybe
correlate
how
our
body
is
responding
on
our
periods
or
even
post
hysterectomy
in
my
case
,
but
what
?
Speaker 1
43:44
my
body
is
responding
to
stress
.
If
,
for
instance
,
I
had
a
care
provider
tell
me
that
what
I
was
going
through
was
nothing
,
or
that
it
was
in
my
head
,
chances
are
my
body
is
going
to
respond
to
that
as
well
,
and
then
I'm
going
to
need
help
climbing
out
of
that
hole
a
little
bit
Right
,
telling
our
family
members
,
telling
our
providers
hey
,
I
need
help
here
.
Speaker 3
44:07
Right
,
I
mean
there
is
a
section
.
That's
a
great
idea
.
There
is
a
section
for
questions
for
my
providers
which
is
on
the
side
of
the
monthly
specifically
,
so
you
can
,
in
the
moment
when
it's
happening
jot
it
down
and
have
it
ready
to
go
,
because
I
think
I
did
feel
badly
about
asking
some
questions
and
so
I
wouldn't
.
But
if
I
had
,
in
the
moment
,
been
like
,
hey
,
my
body's
having
a
really
strong
reaction
to
this
and
I'm
documenting
my
symptoms
,
I'll
just
write
it
over
here
.
You
can't
unwrite
it
.
Speaker 1
44:35
I'm
sure
you
could
scribble
it
out
.
Why
is
it
scribbled
out
over
here
,
exactly
,
exactly
,
momentary
lapse
of
judgment
,
I
don't
know
.
Speaker 3
44:44
I
answered
it
for
myself
,
no
,
but
yes
,
because
I
wanted
to
have
a
place
where
,
in
those
moments
,
ask
the
questions
,
like
get
the
information
give
the
feedback
,
and
I
know
so
many
of
us
have
had
,
if
not
bad
experiences
,
just
unhelpful
ones
,
and
I
think
not
always
because
the
providers
I
mean
,
they're
stressed
,
they're
tired
,
but
I
think
a
lot
of
times
they
just
don't
know
.
And
so
I
think
,
yes
,
I
did
put
a
spot
for
questions
for
providers
right
on
that
form
so
that
it
can
be
a
conversation
.
My
hope
is
that
it's
a
conversation
and
maybe
they
get
to
learn
along
the
way
too
,
with
you
.
Speaker 3
45:28
I
have
learned
so
much
from
my
patients
,
my
clients
,
over
the
years
that
DSM
,
our
Diagnostic
and
Statistical
Manual
.
It
just
can't
encapsulate
what
it
is
to
live
with
an
eating
disorder
.
In
the
same
way
that
a
doctor
may
be
familiar
with
endometriosis
,
they
may
even
be
familiar
with
ways
to
treat
it
.
We
get
to
teach
them
what
it
is
to
live
with
it
.
That's
so
,
so
.
Speaker 1
45:52
We
need
to
do
more
apparently
.
Yeah
,
but
that's
so
good
,
and
because
now
you're
not
in
the
diagnosis
stage
,
you
went
into
the
surgery
stage
.
And
so
you
created
a
tool
for
people
to
help
with
surgery
as
well
.
Speaker 3
46:11
Yes
,
so
there's
a
surgery
kit
,
which
again
was
based
off
of
a
lot
of
my
own
experience
preparing
for
surgery
and
feeling
pretty
overwhelmed
and
there's
a
lot
of
resources
out
there
,
but
they
all
felt
pretty
disconnected
to
me
and
I
want
a
to-do
list
and
I
want
,
here's
,
some
things
you
should
think
about
.
So
I
put
together
this
kit
to
go
through
.
What
are
your
meals
going
to
look
like
?
What
is
your
comfort
items
?
Speaker 3
46:38
Because
we
all
need
comfort
items
when
we're
going
through
something
hard
and
having
a
plan
for
that
ahead
of
time
.
What
are
the
to-dos
of
things
that
you
need
to
get
done
before
surgery
?
And
then
the
back
section
of
the
surgery
preparation
kit
is
something
to
be
used
immediately
after
surgery
.
So
every
hour
of
the
day
has
a
line
to
indicate
did
you
go
to
the
toilet
?
Did
you
have
food
or
water
?
Speaker 3
47:01
Did
you
know
what
medications
were
taken
so
that
anybody
could
come
and
assist
with
your
care
post-surgery
and
know
what's
happening
?
Yes
,
so
that
if
it
is
just
you
,
you
know
what
you
did
when
you
have
a
place
to
write
it
down
and
be
like
oh
yeah
,
I
took
that
medication
at
7
.
And
I
went
to
the
toilet
and
it's
something
that
you
can
take
to
your
providers
if
you're
having
complications
and
they
can
have
a
really
quick
encapsulation
of
what
your
days
have
been
looking
like
.
And
hopefully
my
hope
is
that
that
will
provide
I
don't
know
just
a
general
aid
in
what's
going
on
,
what's
happening
,
because
they
know
what
your
day
is
looking
like
,
because
post-surgery
,
I
didn't
know
what
hour
,
I
didn't
know
what
was
happening
.
Speaker 3
47:44
I
was
just
trying
to
sleep
and
not
move
.
Speaker 1
47:48
You
were
just
trying
to
survive
.
Speaker 3
47:49
And
then
,
yeah
,
yeah
,
I
had
a
very
sweet
family
member
keep
bringing
me
barbecue
chips
,
because
that
was
the
only
thing
,
but
it
was
so
fun
.
But
do
you
even
write
that
down
?
Speaker 1
47:59
That
was
the
only
thing
.
Yes
,
barbecue
chips
,
yes
.
Settle
well
with
her
.
Yes
.
Just
to
get
food
in
her
.
This
is
what
she
would
like
.
Yes
,
so
when
they
do
a
rotation
or
when
you're
going
to
your
doctor
,
these
are
some
of
the
things
.
And
you
know
,
I'm
sure
there
is
a
correlation
between
the
minerals
and
,
like
the
,
I
know
right
.
Everything
in
there
,
I
don't
know
,
I'm
not
going
to
get
into
that
I
agree
with
that
theory
.
I
agree
with
that
it's
usually
what
your
body
needs
or
what
it
can
receive
better
and
yeah
,
and
,
but
just
to
fuel
again
.
Speaker 1
48:25
fuel
your
body
when
you
don't
want
to
write
and
your
body
can
accept
this
Right
and
then
but
it's
passing
on
that
information
between
people
and
care
providers
and
people
caring
for
you
,
your
support
people
.
Speaker 1
48:38
Yep
,
I
wish
I
would
have
had
this
post-surgery
so
bad
.
I'm
really
.
I'm
like
why
were
you
not
there
with
me
?
Sorry
,
I
know
,
I
feel
like
this
has
been
a
good
session
for
me
.
Where's
your
bin
mo
?
I'm
going
to
need
to
bin
mo
here
for
this
session
,
but
I
do
think
that
it's
so
important
to
have
these
tools
in
place
and
you
have
made
them
so
affordable
.
Speaker 1
49:01
Yeah
,
and
they
are
typically
between
Five
and
eight
,
five
and
eight
US
dollars
,
yes
,
and
then
,
because
you're
kind
and
generous
and
this
isn't
like
necessarily
,
you
know
you're
not
aiming
to
gouge
anyone
this
is
really
truly
a
support
piece
.
If
you
go
onto
the
Etsy
site
and
you
put
the
coupon
code
Indo
battery
in
there
,
you'll
get
10%
off
,
correct
?
Speaker 3
49:24
Of
the
downloadable
which
is
come
on
.
Speaker 1
49:26
That
is
like
less
than
a
cup
of
coffee
.
Yeah
,
for
most
people
.
Speaker 1
49:29
And
so
this
is
a
way
and
a
tool
that
you
can
use
that
will
help
you
in
your
journey
trying
to
figure
out
the
best
care
.
But
understanding
yourself
,
I
feel
like
that's
huge
.
There's
so
much
that
I
forgot
about
my
journey
to
where
I
am
now
that
I
wish
I
would
have
had
that
peace
,
because
I
didn't
have
any
of
that
and
it
was
when
I
would
go
to
the
doctor
.
I'd
have
to
remember
what
was
that
question
I
wanted
to
ask
again
.
Speaker 3
49:57
And
what
was
I
?
Speaker 1
49:58
feeling
here
and
it
was
funny
because
,
like
my
husband
,
would
be
the
one
,
you
often
feel
this
way
when
you
drink
red
wine
.
Yeah
,
you
love
your
red
wine
but
,
you
don't
feel
good
when
you
drink
it
,
that's
real
.
Speaker 1
50:11
That's
so
real
.
You
had
this
response
when
you
ate
this
type
of
food
,
or
your
period
never
stopped
for
three
months
.
Yeah
,
yeah
,
let's
track
that
.
What
did
you
feel
in
certain
spikes
in
certain
parts
of
the
month
?
Health Tracking
Speaker 1
50:26
This
is
such
a
great
tool
that
no
one
has
to
log
in
for
,
and
I'm
not
saying
that
those
apps
are
bad
,
I
think
if
they
benefit
you
and
they
work
well
for
you
great
.
Speaker 1
50:37
Sometimes
they're
not
financially
accessible
for
some
people
.
This
is
accessible
for
most
people
and
you
understand
that
.
Being
a
sole
provider
for
your
household
,
you
understand
the
financial
piece
of
that
.
That's
why
you've
made
it
the
way
you
have
.
You
also
understand
that
you
have
multiple
people
coming
into
your
circle
trying
to
help
you
.
Yes
,
I'm
like
when
you
showed
this
to
me
,
I
was
like
come
on
,
why
,
why
did
I
not
have
this
?
I
was
just
glad
.
Speaker 3
51:10
Yeah
,
I
mean
I'm
not
glad
that
you
didn't
have
it
to
be
clear
.
I
think
it's
something
that
I
wish
I
would
have
had
as
well
,
frankly
,
yeah
,
I
looked
for
it
and
I
just
didn't
find
something
that
didn't
feel
way
too
complex
or
that
it
didn't
fit
my
needs
.
So
I
hope
and
always
open
to
feedback
,
but
I
hope
that
it
is
an
aid
for
people
and
it
just
helps
them
figure
out
what
they
need
and
helps
them
have
that
conversation
with
their
providers
in
a
way
that
gets
them
care
faster
than
.
Speaker 3
51:47
I
got
,
and
faster
than
many
of
us
get
,
yeah
.
Speaker 1
51:52
I
think
it's
also
good
post-historectomy
too
,
though
,
especially
if
you
are
for
hormonal
changes
.
Yes
,
Because
I
know
for
some
people
that
have
had
a
hysterectomy
but
maybe
still
have
ovaries
,
they're
still
having
some
cyclical
things
that
are
happening
,
their
imbalances
.
I
think
this
is
a
great
tool
because
it's
not
so
set
in
stone
.
You
can
write
out
a
lot
of
what's
going
on
.
It's
not
just
endo
specific
,
it
is
symptom
tracker
.
Speaker 3
52:20
Yes
,
symptom
tracker
with
a
specific
gear
towards
all
on
one
page
and
to
identify
where
you're
at
in
your
cycle
.
So
,
yes
,
if
you
do
still
have
your
ovaries
,
is
it
this
one
particular
?
The
15th
is
this
keeps
the
symptom
,
keeps
cropping
up
,
or
whatever
.
Speaker 1
52:38
Yeah
,
and
we're
going
to
talk
about
some
other
things
off
air
that
I'm
going
to
give
you
and
put
on
your
plate
,
because
I
have
ideas
.
I
love
it
.
Yeah
,
not
just
for
endo
.
But
I'm
just
saying
I'm
a
hormonal
mess
half
the
time
.
Speaker 3
52:50
I'm
just
women's
health
care
is
a
ride
,
isn't
it
,
though
?
So
I
think
anything
that
we
can
do
to
help
folks
get
care
in
a
helpful
way
,
I
am
all
for
,
because
it
can
be
rough
out
there
.
So
yeah
,
yeah
,
it
absolutely
can
.
I'm
here
for
it
.
Speaker 1
53:10
You
also
are
using
this
as
a
tool
to
help
family
members
that
are
in
need
as
well
.
And
so
that
is
the
other
part
of
this
is
those
little
bits
are
just
helping
a
family
member
going
through
a
rough
time
.
Yes
,
yeah
,
and
I
do
want
to
be
transparent
in
that
this
is
not
just
a
tool
for
you
,
but
a
tool
to
help
your
family
.
Speaker 3
53:32
Yes
,
have
a
family
member
who
has
had
some
very
serious
health
stuff
that
at
this
point
looks
like
it
has
resolved
,
which
is
wonderful
,
and
the
health
care
system
is
very
expensive
.
So
,
yeah
,
part
of
the
driving
force
behind
this
was
to
create
an
ability
to
say
,
hey
,
I
can
help
out
with
whatever
groceries
this
week
,
I
can
cover
that
,
I
can
cover
the
cost
for
gas
in
your
cars
.
So
,
yes
,
yeah
,
this
is
a
tool
,
this
is
a
rounded
tool
.
It's
what
I'm
trying
to
get
at
.
Speaker 1
54:09
It's
like
this
is
not
just
something
where
you're
like
,
oh
,
I
just
need
to
make
a
little
lecture
so
I
can
get
a
pedicure
.
This
month
oh
no
.
Speaker 1
54:15
No
,
the
driving
force
behind
this
was
really
not
only
to
help
those
with
endometriosis
or
any
chronic
or
tracking
need
.
It
is
also
the
driving
force
to
really
publish
it
and
get
it
out
.
There
was
a
way
to
help
someone
else
in
need
,
and
so
you
downloading
this
tool
,
anyone
downloading
this
tool
,
whether
it
be
the
Indotracker
or
whether
it
be
the
surgery
toolkit
is
also
helping
a
family
member
who
needs
the
support
as
well
.
Speaker 1
54:45
So
I
want
to
just
say
that
this
is
not
all
for
not
.
This
is
a
tool
.
I'm
just
telling
you
.
I
firmly
believe
that
you
will
get
.
Anyone
can
get
use
out
of
this
.
And
it
would
be
beneficial
for
anyone
,
but
especially
the
surgery
tracker
,
which
isn't
quite
on
Amazon
.
It's
getting
there
and
Amazon
comes
printed
,
so
it's
a
little
bit
more
expensive
because
it's
printed
for
you
for
the
year
,
correct
?
Speaker 3
55:11
Yes
,
that
one
is
just
the
yearly
and
it
is
more
expensive
to
cover
the
printing
costs
.
Yeah
Right
.
Speaker 1
55:18
And
that
one
is
right
now
just
the
Indotracker
,
but
you're
getting
the
surgery
on
there
.
Speaker 3
55:23
But
the
Etsy
is
the
surgery
toolkit
and
the
Indotracker
,
yeah
,
and
those
are
5
to
8
on
Etsy
and
then
the
Amazon
will
be
20
for
the
Indotracker
which
is
live
and
there
now
,
and
then
I'm
hoping
to
have
the
surgery
kit
on
Amazon
as
a
printed
option
before
the
end
of
the
year
.
Yeah
.
Speaker 1
55:46
So
keep
an
eye
out
for
that
,
and
I
will
put
a
link
in
my
bio
for
a
way
to
get
that
as
well
.
So
if
you're
looking
for
that
,
I'm
going
to
have
a
resource
page
for
that
.
But
I
just
want
to
say
I
would
not
have
you
on
talking
about
this
if
I
didn't
find
it
beneficial
for
everyone
and
a
tool
for
so
many
people
who
are
struggling
to
put
the
pieces
together
,
but
also
financially
.
Yeah
,
you
really
can't
beat
this
,
and
I'm
not
just
this
is
not
a
sales
pitch
,
I'm
just
saying
I
really
believe
in
it
.
So
again
,
indobattery
for
the
Etsy
shop
Yep
,
put
it
in
there
,
you
can
get
a
discount
.
Speaker 3
56:24
But
if
I
can
figure
out
something
for
Amazon
,
yeah
,
we'll
figure
.
Speaker 1
56:27
I'll
keep
you
posted
.
Keep
me
posted
.
Yeah
,
yeah
,
linkin
me
that
.
But
thank
you
for
spending
the
time
with
me
and
I
just
feel
like
gosh
,
I
just
really
feel
like
I
need
to
Venmo
you
for
everything
that
you've
just
given
me
in
life
.
I
appreciate
that
.
Speaker 3
56:47
It's
very
sweet
.
It's
been
lovely
.
Speaker 1
56:49
Yeah
,
it's
been
so
good
Struggling With Mental Health
Speaker 1
56:51
.
And
I
think
that
if
you're
struggling
with
anything
that
we've
talked
about
,
or
even
if
you're
just
struggling
trying
to
put
the
pieces
together
between
your
body
and
coping
with
that
,
with
your
mental
capacity
and
state
and
you're
just
struggling
,
reach
out
to
someone
.
There's
people
out
there
there
is
the
crisis
health
line
,
but
then
there's
also
people
that
can
listen
and
you're
not
alone
.
This
is
not
your
fault
.
This
is
a
disease
that
is
out
of
your
control
.
Yep
,
in
the
way
it
responds
to
your
body
,
yeah
,
but
if
there's
tools
that
can
help
you
manage
it
,
then
that's
where
we
need
to
focus
that
energy
.
So
thank
you
for
bringing
Link
to
that
and
just
being
a
light
in
yourself
.
I
just
really
enjoy
you
so
much
.
Speaker 1
57:38
Thank
you
.
I'm
so
glad
that
Lee
put
us
together
,
because
it's
been
so
fun
just
to
get
to
know
you
and
get
to
experience
this
and
learn
from
you
.
So
thank
you
so
much
.
Thank
you
,
yeah
.
Until
next
time
,
everyone
,
continue
to
advocate
for
yourself
and
for
those
that
you
love
.