Endo Year Reflections: #6 Intimacy, Food, And Chronic Illness: What We Learned From Mallory Oxendine And Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani

Year-End Reflection Series Begins

SPEAKER_00
0:00

With
the
Indo
Year
coming
up,
it's
a
perfect
time
to
reflect
on
all
the
lessons,
growth,
and
amazing
guests
we've
had
on
Indobattery.
But
instead
of
one
big
recap,
I'm
breaking
it
into
quick,
bite-sized
reflections
multiple
times
a
week.
Let's
revisit
what
inspired
us,
learn
what
we
missed,
and
recharge
together
in
our
Endo
Year
Reflection
series.
Join
me
each
episode
as
we
look
back.
Welcome
to
Indobattery,
where
I
share
my
journey
with
endometriosis
and
chronic
illness
while
learning
and
growing
along
the
way.
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podcast
is
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substitute
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space
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and
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so
you
never
have
to
face
this
journey
alone.
We
embrace
a
range
of
perspectives
that
may
not
always
align
with
our
own,
believing
that
open
dialogue
helps
us
grow
and
gain
new
tools.
Join
me
as
I
share
stories
of
strength,
resilience,
and
hope,
from
personal
experiences
to
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insights.
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your
host,
Alana,
and
this
is
Indobattery,
charging
our
lives
when
Indometriosis
drains
us.
Welcome
back
to

Setting The Show’s Purpose

SPEAKER_00
1:07

Indobattery,
Indo
Year
Reflections.

Intimacy And Chronic Illness

SPEAKER_00
1:09

When
I
think
back
to
the
episodes
120
and
121,
my
conversations
with
Mallory
Oxendein
still
sit
with
me
in
a
very
tender
way.
Because
these
weren't
just
episodes
about
relationships.
They
were
about
what
it
means
to
stay
connected
to
yourself
and
to
someone
you
love
when
your
body
doesn't
cooperate.
Mallory
walked
us
through
something
so
many
people
quietly
struggle
with:
the
emotional
layers
that
come
with
intimacy
and
chronic
illness.
The
pain,
the
frustration,
the
guilt,
and
that
deep,
unspoken
feeling
of
betrayal
when
your
body
keeps
you
from
showing
up
in
ways
you
wish
you
could.
She
reminds
us
that
intimacy
isn't
just
physical,
it's
emotional,
relational,
and
deeply
human.
And
when
pain
enters
the
picture,
it
can
change
how
safe,
connected,
or
confident
we
feel
in
our
own
bodies.
One
of
the
things
Mallory
did
so
beautifully
was
normalize
the
grief
that
comes
with
this.
Grieving
that
ease
you
once
had,
grieving
spontaneity,
grieving
versions
of
yourself
that
no
longer
feel
accessible.
And
instead
of
rushing
past
the
grief,
she
gave
us
permission
to
sit
with
it
without
shame.
But
she
didn't
stop
there.
Mallory
also
offered
something
incredibly
grounding,
practical
tools,
real
ways
to
communicate
with
partners,
ways
to
name
your
needs
without
apologizing,
ways
partners
can
support,
not
fix,
not
rescue,
but
genuinely
support.
And
just
as
importantly,
ways
you
can
support
your
partner
too.
So
the
relationship
doesn't
feel
like
another
casualty
of
chronic
illness.

SPEAKER_02
2:52

I'm
a
big
fan.
I
say
this
all
the
time.
I'm
like,
let's
talk
about
talking
about
it.
Yeah.
You
know,
like
let's
take
it
one
step
back.
And
so
being
able
to
go
in
and
go,
hey,
how
can
I
approach

Communicating Needs Outside The Moment

SPEAKER_02
3:05

you
when
I
have
a
desire
for
intimacy?
Like,
what's
the
best
way
to
do
that?
So
that
you
know
that
I
just
desire
you
and
I
love
you,
and
not
an
expectation
of
for
you
to
perform
or
show
out
or
show
up
in
a
certain
way.
So
I
think
talking
about
it
when
it's
not
in
the
moment
is
helpful.
So
we're
a
little
bit
more
regulated,
we're
a
little
bit
more
calm,
we
have
our
more
of
our
thinking
brain
operating,
you
know,
so
we
can
just
maybe
make
better
word
choices
or
be
able
to
control
if
our
emotions
come
up,
we
can
control
how
they're
exhibited
a
little
bit
better.
So
I
love
encouraging
like
let's
talk
about
it
in
advance.
So
we're
not
in
the
moment
flailing
around
trying
to
figure
this
thing
out
together.
Um,
the
other
thing
I
want
to
encourage
encourage
partners
with
is
like
this
is
an
experience
that
you
are
living
in
a
junction
to
and
living
in
part
of
your
story
as
well.
So
your
experience
and
feelings
matter
and
they
do
not
matter
more.
Right.
And
so
they
matter.
It's
good
to
like,
well,
how
do
you
feel
when
y'all
had
planned
to
have
intimacy
and
that
now
you're
not
sad,
frustrated?
Okay,
that's
valid.
And
the
why
is
also
important.
Like
why
you're
not
having
it,
your
partner's
pain,
your
partner's,
you
know,
maybe
they
had
a
doctor's
appointment
and
they
felt
triggered,
and
like
that's
important
too.
And
so
it's
not
no
one's
more
important,
no
one's
feelings
are
more
important
than
the
others.

SPEAKER_00
4:41

What
stayed
with
me
most
was
how
approachable
she
made
such
a
vulnerable
topic
feel.
Sitting
down
with
Mallory,
I
felt
seen,
and
I've
heard
from
so
many
of
you
since
those
episodes
aired.
People
said,
I
finally
feel
less
alone.
Because
intimacy
and
connection
don't
disappear
when
chronic
illness
enters
the
room,
they
just
evolve.
And
Mallory
helped
us
see
that
while
it
may
look
different
for
everyone,
there
is
a
way
forward,
even
when
our
bodies
feel
like
they're
working
against
us.

Disordered Eating Amid Chronic Symptoms

SPEAKER_00
5:13

Another
episode
that
continues
to
stay
with
me,
and
one
that
so
many
of
you
asked
for,
was
episode
186
with
Dr.
Jennifer
Gattiani.
It
was
a
heavy
topic,
yes,
but
it
was
also
a
deeply
healing
conversation.
We
talked
about
disordered
eating
in
the
context
of
chronic
illness,
the
guilt
of
knowing
you
should
eat,
but
feeling
unable
to,
the
complicated
relationship
many
of
us
feel
with
food
when
pain,
nausea,
fatigue,
or
GI
symptoms
are
constant
companions.

SPEAKER_01
5:42

Well,
there
are
formal
criteria
for
eating
disorders,
of
course.
The
notion
of
disordered
eating
is
very
nebulous,
and
we
have
to
contextualize
it
in
the
society
we
live
in,
which
is
so
diet
culture
focused.

SPEAKER_00
5:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_01
5:57

You
know,
I
mean,
everyone
is
talking
about
what
they're
no
longer
eating,
not
because
it
doesn't,
you
know,
sit
well
with
their
tummy
or
their
body,
but
because,
you
know,
they
think
it's
the
right
thing
to
do
to
avoid
inflammation.
I'm
not
eating
this,
I'm
not
eating
that,
I'm
eating
less
of
this,
I'm
only
eating
at
these
times
a
day.
I
mean,
this
is
so
normalized
and
typical
in
our
society
that
even
though
I,
as
a
very
health-privileged
physician
who
specializes
in
eating
disorders,
would
be
like,
no,
no,
no,
all
of
that
is
disordered
eating.
It's
so
broadly
found
that
people
might
be
like,
hey,
are
you
just
trying
to
pathologize
me
by
telling
me
I've
got
a
problem?
And
the
answer
is
I
want
to
be
far
gentler
than
that,
but
also
kind
of
come
back
to
really
good
science
about
what
truly
healthy
eating
is.
And
I
use
that
H-word
roll
roll
carefully,
um,
because
boy,
is
that
a
tricky
word.
Yeah.
What
I
would
say
is
that
if
there
aren't
physical
impediments
to
nourishing,
which
of
course
many
people
have,
and
many
of
your
listeners
have,
I
would
say
that
normal
eating
means
that
you
spend
relatively
little
brain
energy
on
what
did
I
just
eat
and
what
I'm
about
to
eat,
and
what
did
I
eat
yesterday
and
what
will
I
eat
tomorrow.
You
pretty
comfortably
can
listen
to
hunger
and
fullness
cues,
and
you
can
nourish
yourself
with
satisfying,
tasty
foods
in
a
mindful
way,
reasonably
consistently
throughout
the
day,
without
much
chatter
or
shame
or
fear
that
revolves
around
these
topics,
and
that
you
can
fuel
yourself
to
do
what
your
unique
body
wants
to
do
that
day.
I
would
say
that
is
sort
of
broadly
speaking
normal
eating.
And
therefore,
theoretically,
I
would
say
that
anything
outside
of
that
could
be
disordered.
That
doesn't
mean
judgment.
That
doesn't
mean
someone
with
severe
IBS,
irritable
bowel
syndrome,
who
has
to
avoid
a
bunch
of
foods
is
like,
oh,

Neurodiversity, Sensory Needs, And Food

SPEAKER_01
8:05

you
have
disordered
eating
and
I'm
judging
you.
It
says,
gosh,
you
must
have
to
spend
a
lot
more
time
and
energy
on
how
to
fuel
yourself.
And
you
must
suffer
a
lot
more
than
other
people
when
they
can
just
bolt
down
a
sandwich
and
go
back
to
work,
and
you're
trying
to
figure
out
how
your
tummy's
gonna
do
that
day.
Eating
disorders,
of
course,
have
really
formal
criteria
in
the
diagnostic
and
statistical
manual
five
that
follow
certain
criteria.
Folks
who
have
gotten
into
a
relationship
with
food
in
their
bodies,
whether
or
not,
again,
there's
body
image
stuff
involved,
which
let's
face
it,
if
you
were
human
on
the
planet,
probably
there's
some
body
image
stuff
involved
because
thin
privilege
is
so
powerful
in
our
culture.
But
what
I'd
like
to
talk
to
is
just
the
breadth
of
conditions
that
might
lead
somebody
to
have
to
spend
so
much
time
on
how
to
feed
themselves
and
how
to
deal
with
their
body's
reaction,
and
that
they're
not
alone,
they're
not
a
mystery,
and
they
can
feel
better.

SPEAKER_00
9:09

And
then
we
layered
in
something
so
many
people
quietly
carry
ADHD
or
neurodivergence
and
chronic
illness,
and
how
the
two
can
collide
in
ways
that
are
often
misunderstood
or
dismissed.

SPEAKER_01
9:22

The
last
couple
of
years
have
really
humbled
me
as
I
have
learned
the
importance
of
neurodiversity
and
relationship
with
food.
It's
a
topic
I
just
adore
because
a
lot
of
the
time
it
has
been
ignored
or
it
has
been
underaddressed.
And
as
a
result,
folks
feel
like
they're
failures
of
the
system
when
in
fact
the
system
has
been
failing
them.
The
system
is
normed
around
neurotypicality.
And
the
truth
is,
so
many
people
who
have
struggles
with
food
do
have
some
form
of
neurodiversity.
It
could
be
at
the
formal
ADHD
or
autism
level,
and
it
could
also
be
at
a
sort
of
subclinical
but
still
very
much
important
relationship
with
food
textures,
tastes,
scents,
colors,
the
feeling
of
fullness
in
one's
body,
the
people,
you
know,
for
me,
when
I
in
my
health
privilege,
when
I'm
satisfiedly
full
after
a
meal,
I
feel
good.
But
other
people
who
have
absolutely
no,
you
know,
overwhelming
pathologic
drive
for
body
change
feel
terrible
when
they're
full.
Not
because
they
have
sort
of
an
eating
disorder
necessarily,
but
because
their
sensory
input
is
you've
just
some
done
something
yucky
and
dangerous.
And
you
know,
guess
what?
That
can
certainly
end
up
leading
to
a
formal
eating
disorder.

SPEAKER_00
10:53

I
can't
fully
express
how
seen
I
felt
in
this
conversation.
Dr.
G
put
words
into
experience
I've
carried
since
childhood.
Experiences
I
didn't
realize
had
names,
context,
or
compassion
attached
to
them.
She
spoke
with
gentleness,
with
such
care
and
such
validation,
not
just
to
me,
but
to
all
of
us
living
in
bodies
that
don't
always
tolerate
food
the
way
we
wish
they
would.
What
made
this
episode
so
powerful
wasn't
just
the
validation,
though
that
alone
mattered
deeply,
it
was
that
Dr.
G
paired
the
compassion
with
realistic
practical
tools.
She
talked
about
experiences
that
actually
made
sense
for
chronically
ill
bodies,
about
progress
that
doesn't
require
perfection,
about
health
that
doesn't
demand
punishment
or
shame.
That
conversation
healed
something
in
me,
not
because
it
fixed
everything,
but
because
it
gave
my
experience
language.
And
when
our
experiences
have
words,
they
become
lighter
to
carry.

Practical Compassion And Holiday Tip

SPEAKER_00
11:54

And
for
your
holiday
survival
guide
in
that
heavy
topic,
here
it
is.
Pick
one
thing
to
care
about.
Not
everything
deserves
your
energy
budget.
As
we
look
back
through
these
conversations,
I'm
reminded
of
how
much
learning
and
on
learning
and
quiet
healing
has
happened
this
year,
often
in
ways
we
didn't
realize
at
the
time.
So
as
you
continue
listening
through
these
reflections,
I
want
to
gently
invite
you
to
stay
curious.
You
may
stumble
upon
an
episode
you
missed
or
hear
something
differently
now
than
you
did
then,
or
you
might
just
find
the
conversation
from
months
ago
is
exactly
what
you
need
in
this
moment.
Thank
you
for
being
here.
Thank
you
for
reflecting

Closing Gratitude And Invitation

SPEAKER_00
12:39

with
me,
and
thank
you
for
continuing
to
come
back
to
this
table,
where
your
experiences
are
valid,
your
questions
matter,
and
your
body
is
worthy
of
care,
compassion,
and
connection.
We'll
keep
moving
through
this
year
together,
one
conversation
at
a
time.
Until
next
time,
continue
advocating
for
you
and
for
others.