Bananas Won’t Fix This, But Jokes Help

Setting The Table

SPEAKER_02
0:00

What
if
chronic
illness
entered
your
life
just
two
months
into
a
relationship
and
never
left?
In
this
episode,
I
sit
down
with
Cody,
a
writer,
advocate,
wife,
and
mom,
for
a
raw,
often
funny
conversation
about
love,
parenting,
and
survival
when
your
body
changes
everything.
We
talk
about
navigating
a
healthcare
system
that
doesn't
always
listen,
grieving
that
life
you
thought
you'd
have,
and
why
humor,
honesty,
and
self-advocacy
can
be
a
lifeline.
This
isn't
a
polished
success
story,
it's
a
real
one
about
choosing
connection,
building
community,
and
finding
strength
in
sharing
the
messy
middle.
If
you've
ever
felt
alone
in
chronic
illness,
this
episode
will
remind
you
why
your
story
and
your
voice
matters.
So
stick
around.
This
podcast
is
not
a
substitute
for
medical
advice,
but
a
supportive
space
to
provide
community
and
valuable
information
so
you
never
have
to
face
this
journey
alone.
We
embrace
a
range
of
perspectives
that
may
not
always
align
with
our
own,
believing
that
open
dialogue
helps
us
grow
and
gain
new
tools.
Join
me
as
I
share
stories
of
strength,
resilience,

Meet Cody And Her Story

SPEAKER_02
1:16

and
hope.
From
personal
experiences
to
expert
insights.
I'm
your
host,
Alana,
and
this
is
Indobattery,
charging
our
lives
when
Indometriosis
drains
us.
Welcome
back
to
Indobattery.
Grab
your
cup
of
coffee
or
your
cup
of
tea
and
join
me
at
the
table.
Today
I'm
joined
by
Cody,
who
is
a
writer,
advocate,
wife,
and
mom
who
has
spent
the
last
decade
navigating
life
with
chronic
illness,
alongside
love,
parenting,
and
all
the
messy
realities
in
between.
After
her
health
dramatically
changed
early
in
her
relationship,
Cody
and
her
partner
faced
challenges
that
tested
everything
they
thought
they
knew
about
marriage,
resilience,
and
partnership.
Through
honesty,
humor,
and
a
whole
lot
of
lived
experience,
Cody
shares
what
chronic
illness
has
taught
her
about
relationships,
self-worth,
and
survival.
Not
the
polished
version,
but
the
real
one.
Her
work
centers
on
helping
others
feel
less
alone,
offering
insight,
validation,
and
practical
wisdom
for
those
living
with
chronic
illness
and
the
people
who
love
them.
Cody's
story
is
a
powerful
reminder
that
life
with
chronic
illness
isn't
easy,
but
it
can
still
be
meaningful,
connected,
and
deeply
human.
So
grab
that
cup
of
coffee
or
tea
and
join
me
in
welcoming
Cody
Adamson
to
the
table.
Thank
you,
Cody,
so
much
for
sitting
with
me
today
and
joining
me
on
the
podcast.
I
it's
such
a
privilege
to
sit
down
with
someone
and
just
have
fun
and
talk.
So
thanks
for
doing
that
and
sitting
with
me.
I
agree.

SPEAKER_00
2:45

I'm
glad
that
you
asked.
I'm
glad
you
reached
out.
I'm
excited
to
have
the
opportunity
to
do
this.

SPEAKER_02
2:49

Yeah.
First
things
first,
as
we
all
sit
down
at
the
table
and
grab
our
cup
of
coffees,
our
cup
of
tea,
what
is
your
order
for
the
day?

SPEAKER_00
2:58

My
order,
okay.
So
my
favorite
thing,
and
I
drink
this
every
day,
like
a
crazy
obsessed
person,
is
bangle
spice
tea.
It's
very
cinnamony,
very
like
autumn-esque.
Um,
but
then
I
add
cinnamon
chobani
creamer.
So
it's
just
so
much
cinnamon
in
a
cup
that
like
I
feel
like
I'm
drinking
a
cinnamon
roll.
So
that's
that's
my
go-to.
I
love
it.

SPEAKER_02
3:22

You
know
what?
People
say
cinnamon
is
good
for
the
soul.
And
I
would
wholeheartedly
agree.
I
think
it's
the
real
spice
of
life.

SPEAKER_00
3:29

I
think
cinnamon
is
it.
There's
no
other
spices.
There's
no
other
spice.
Why
even
why
even
bother
with
the
other
ones?
I
don't
need
any
other
spice.
If
I
just
had
cinnamon
forever,
I'd
be
set.
What
about
you?
What
are
you
drinking?

SPEAKER_02
3:41

So
I
have
the
privilege
of
drinking
an
Americano
with
brown
sugar
cinnamon.

SPEAKER_01
3:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02
3:50

Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I
made
my
um
own
brown
sugar
cinnamon
syrup.
Oh,
that's
cool.
Yeah.
And
it's
that's
what
I
use
because
I
love
it.
And
I
don't
like
the
fake
stuff.
So
I
get
that.

SPEAKER_00
4:09

Yeah.
Yeah.
That's
where
I
like
like
the
Chobani
is
like
super
clean.
It's
just
like
cream,
yeah.
Cinnamon.
It
has
protein
in
it
too.
A
little
bit.
It's
not,
it's
not
the
other
ones
where
they're
just
like
straight
oils.
Like,
I
don't
know
if
you've
seen
like
some
of
them
where
it's
just
like
the
first
ingredient
is
vegetable
oil.
I'm
like,
oh,
I
should
probably
think
of
more
whole
foods.

SPEAKER_02
4:30

So
I
like
the
Chobani
one.
Yeah.
And
I
just
have
my
own
espresso
maker,
which
is
a
privilege
to
have.
And
then
I
have
a
little,
it's
an
Americano
with
a
little
bit
of
cream
and
brown
sugar
cinnamon
syrup,
just
a
little
bit.
I
love
that.

SPEAKER_00
4:43

Like
brown
cinnamon
sugar
syrup.
I'm
gonna
have
to
look
up
a
recipe.
That
sounds
really
good.
Okay.

SPEAKER_02
4:47

I'll
send
it
to
you.
So
now
that
we
have
our
orders
out
of
the
way
and
our
comfort
drinks,
and
we're
setting
the
table
for
others
to
kind
of
join
us.
Tell
us
in
the
comments
of
anywhere
that
you're
listening
to
this
what
you
drink
and
what
your
comfort
drink
is.
And
maybe
I'll
try
it
next.
Who
knows?
And
maybe
I'll
add
a
shot
of
tequila
sometimes.
We
don't
know.
And
anything
is
up
for
grabs
here.

SPEAKER_00
5:11

It
is.
We'll
do
a
podcast
later
next
time
and
we'll
have
a
lot
of
fun.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
5:18

Don't
don't
tempt
me
with
a
good
time.
But
Cody,
I
I
first
of
all,
I
want
to
say
this.
So
this
is
a
little
bit
out
of
my
normal
content
in
the
sense
that
it's
not
endospecific.
And
and
that's
okay.
Like
I
feel
like
there
are
times
that
a
lot
of
us
with
endometriosis
forget
that
chronic
illness
transcends
one
diagnosis.
And
I
think
that
that's
one
thing
that
I
really
have
learned
so
much
is
we
oftentimes
have
multiple
diagnoses.
And
so,
but
we
all
have
this
lived
and
shared
experience.
And
it's
how
we
lived
with
these
experiences,
the
things
that
we've
walked
through,
the
tr
the
medical
traumas,
the
stresses
of
life
of
living
with
a
chronic
illness,
that
kind
of
I
mean,
it's
it
it
draws
a
picture
of
how
we
can
live
our
lives,
right?
Like
how
we
choose
to
manage
these
can
ultimately
be
the
deciding
factor
long
term
in
our
outcome,
right?
Right.
So
that
being
said,
I
came
across
your
page
on
social
media
and
I
was
like,
you
know,
I
like
a
good
chronic
baddie
who
is
willing
to
laugh.
Like
I
just
I
think
we
need
to
laugh
as
people
who
are
constantly
in
this
state
of
I
don't
know,
just
despair.
Despair.
Like
one
thing
out
of
the
other.
There's
another
day.
Wow,
another
day.
But
in
order
for
us
to
kind
of
set
the
stage
for
what
we'll
talk
about
even
more,
can
you
tell
us
more
about
you,
what
you
live
through,
how
you
live
through
it,
just
so
we
get
to
know
you
just
a
little

Misdiagnosis And ER Horror Stories

SPEAKER_02
7:05

bit
better?

SPEAKER_00
7:05

Sure.
Um,
so
my
list
of
like
diagnoses
is
just
like
super
long.
So
I
won't
go
through
the
whole
list,
but
some
of
the
more
like
popular
ones
is
like,
of
course,
I
have
hypermobile
EDS,
um,
I
have
dysautonomia.
So
I
don't
technically
have
a
POTS
diagnosis
possibly
yet.
I'm
getting
a
tilt
table
test
done
like
next
week
or
something
to
see
if
it's
POTS
or
is
it
what
level
of
dysautonomia.
I
also
have
a
condition
called
dystonia,
um,
which
leads
to
um
what
are
called
dystonic
storms,
which
if
anybody's
ever
seen
my
content,
it
looks
like
seizures,
but
I'm
conscious
the
whole
time.
And
then
I
have
what
are
called
drop
attacks,
which
look
like
fainting
episodes,
but
again,
I'm
conscious
the
whole
time.
And
that's
all
due
to
um
something
we
found
only
a
year
and
a
half
ago.
I've
been
on
oxygen
like
intermittently
for
about
10
years
now,
and
only
a
year
and
a
half
ago
did
we
finally
figure
out
maybe
what's
going
on
with
my
brain,
and
it's
just
basically
a
lot
of
um
congenital
deformities.
So
born
with
it
in
my
veins.
We've
always
looked
at
my
arteries,
but
my
veins
are
the
problem.
Turns
out
like
none
of
them
grew.
Or
if
they
did,
they
grew
really
weird.
And
then
like
a
part
of
my
brain
is
deformed,
and
so
like
blood
just
doesn't
travel
through
my
brain
like
it
should.
It
pools,
which
causes
me
to
get
deoxygenated,
or
not
enough
gets
in,
which
also
causes
me
to
get
deoxygenated.
So,
like
little
thingy
on
my
finger,
I've
got
like
98%
saturation
in
my
blood.
I
should
be
great.
But
in
my
brain,
if
we
were
to
like
probe
it,
I
like
have
no
oxygen
in
there.
So,
and
that
all
really
came
about
due
to
a
couple
of
traumatic
brain
injuries,
one
of
which
I
like
lost
my
memory.
I've
had
mold
toxicity,
I've
had
just
a
slew
of
things
that
just
have
really
bad
luck,
honestly.
So
um,
some
of
it
is
genetic
and
some
of
it
just
wrong
place,
wrong
time.
So,
and
that
has
just
led
me
to
being
honestly,
I
was
kind
of
like
a
little
bit
of
like
a
sickly
kid
growing
up,
but
I
would
how
I
always
tell
my
story
is
I
was
truly
chronically
ill
starting
in
2015.
So
yeah.

SPEAKER_02
9:21

That's
I
mean,
I
feel
like
that
lends
itself
to
so
many
odd
doctors'
appointments.
Yeah.
So
many
times
where
I'm
sure
you're
like,
what
did
what
just
came
out
of
your
mouth?
Oh
my
gosh.
What
what
is
like
what
are
some
of
those
things
that
were
said
to
you
that
like
made
you
like
side-eye
a
little
bit,
you
know?

SPEAKER_00
9:45

I
just
remember
like
so.
My
very
first
time
I
went
to
the
ER
for
my
dystonic
storms,
right?
That
took
over
eight
years
till
we
had
a
name
for
that.
The
very
first
time
I
went
in
for
my
dystonic
storms,
like
I
I
just
was
like
nonstop
seizing,
and
they
were
telling
me
I
was
having
muscle
cramps.
And
I
was
like,
they're
like,
you
just
need
some
bananas
and
some
salt.
Like,
you
are
bananas,
that's
what
you
are.
What
in
the
world?
As
I'm
like
sitting
there,
like
my
head's
just
nonstop
bobbing.
My
arms
and
legs
are
like,
I
look
like
some
weird
exorcist
moment,
I'll
be
honest.
And
they
were
just
like,
bananas,
bananas
are
gonna
fix
you.
And
I'm
like,
that's
not
the
solution.
And
even
like
after
that,
my
next
like
ER
visits
were
like,
these
are
menstrual
cramps.
And
I
was
like,
I'm
gonna
take
my
uterus
and
chuck
it
at
you
if
I
can.
So
this
is
not
menstrual
cramps.
I
know
it
sounds
a
little
bit
gory
right
there,
but
I
just
uh
I
feel
like
my
experience
with
medicine
has
just
been
really
difficult
because
I've
had
to
advocate
hard
to
be
taken
seriously.
Cause
like
the
number
one
thing
I
have
gotten
for
a
long
time
was
this
is
a
panic
attack
or
some
sort
of
psychological
disturbance,
which
like
I
do
have
anxiety
and
mental
illnesses
are
real.
So
like
we
did
explore
that
for
a
minute,
but
it's
it's
not,
it
was
something
physiologically
wrong,
and
it
just
took
a
lot
of
work
to
finally
figure
it
out.
But
yeah,
I've
gotten
some
some
comments.

SPEAKER_01
11:21

I'm
sure
I
don't
know.
I
like
want
to
think
of
more
mental
illness,
basically.

SPEAKER_00
11:29

Do
you
even
have
a
uterus?
Because
let's
be
honest,
half
of
the
time,
it's
the
guys
that
are
just
like,
it's
probably
just
a
woman
problem.

SPEAKER_02
11:36

I'm
like,
not
a
woman,
what
what
I
checked
my
uterus
right
out
and
it's
still
had
still
had
a
problem.
So
that
is
I'm
not
exactly
there.
I
think
it's
such
a
lazy
diagnosis,
though.
I
think
it's
because
they
don't
know
and
they
don't
they
aren't
given
the
time
to
really
explore
it.
And
I
think
that's
a
big
part
of
the
reason
why
in
the
health
system
we
don't
get
the
care
we
need

Systemic Gaps And Self-Advocacy

SPEAKER_02
12:03

because
yeah,
money
drives
it,
time
drives
it,
not
patient-centered
care.
And
we
are
a
reactive,
not
a
proactive
health
care
system.
Yes.
So
that's
probably
one
of
the
things
that
I
struggled
with.
I
remember
sitting
in
the
ER
and
then
telling
me
that
a
muscle
relaxer
is
gonna
help
me
pass
a
kidney
stone.
And
I
I
don't
I'm
like,
I'm
sorry,
have
have
did
you
go
to
medical
school?
Those
are
like
pretty
basic
things.
Like
kidney
stones
aren't
like
something,
some
weird
anomaly.
Those
those
happen
to
just
about
anyone.
Had
I
been
a
guy,
I
probably
would
have
gotten
pain
medicine.
But
the
reality
is
that
we
aren't
treated
the
same
when
we
are
visiting
those
hospitals.
No,
no.
So
I
think,
especially
if
it's
something
that
is
just
not
right
off
the
top
of
their
head.
And
that's
not
to
say
all
doctors
are
that
way.
I
I
don't
want
to
altogether.

SPEAKER_00
12:57

Well,
but
it's
when
I
when
you've
done
the
chronic
illness
thing,
though,
unfortunately,
it's
at
least
half
of
your
experience,
if
not
more
than
half
of
your
experience,
is
doctors
just
it's
uh
it
our
how
do
I
say
this
all
right?
Like
the
education
that
the
doctors
receive
only
reaches
so
far.
And
I've
I've
talked
about
this
before,
even
on
my
platform,
that
chronic
illness
actually
really
is
a
new
science.
Right.
Like
the
things
that
I've
had,
I
probably
with
something
that
was
happening
to
me
when
I
was
16,
I
would
have
been
dead
at
16.
That'd
have
been
the
end
of
my
life.
Like
a
hundred
years
ago,
16
was
the
furthest
I
would
have
made
it.
Now,
because
of
surgeries
and
procedures
that
we
do
have,
we're
extending
the
lives
of
people
that
would
have
died
otherwise,
which
is
phenomenal.
But
we
can't
expect
our
doctors
to
really
understand
what
are
these
things,
because
truly
those
things
were
supposed
to
take
us
out.
And
so
it's
hard
because
like
I
have
had
my
moments
where
I've
been
angry
at
a
lot
of
doctors,
but
then
as
I've
done
this
now
for
gosh,
going
on
11
years,
I
can
give
a
lot
of
grace
to
the
fact
that
I'm
like,
you
know
what,
you're
just
not
the
right
fit
for
me.
You
just
don't
know.
You
don't
know.
So
don't
give
me
bogus
answers.
Let's
be
real,
and
I'm
gonna
carry
on
to
the
next
guy.
So
yeah.

SPEAKER_02
14:14

Well,
and
I
think
too,
like,
I
I
don't
think
most
doctors
are
going
into
this
with
malicious
intent.
I
think
they
want
they
genuinely
want
to
help
people,
but
our
bodies
are
so
intricate.
Like
they
are
amazing.
We
have
amazing
bodies,
right?
Do
what
they
do.
It's
just
that
sometimes
when
our
wires
cross,
it
makes
things
a
little
bit
more
challenging
for
people
to
look
outside
the
box
to
what
could
happen,
right?
Like
every
diagnosis
started
somewhere,
you
know.
It
we
have
to
start
somewhere
with
something,
you
know.
So
it's
that
persistence
of
advocating
for
yourself.
How
did
you
manage
that
and
not
feel
like
completely
defeated
and
just
like
shriveling
yourself?

SPEAKER_00
15:05

Well,
I
mean,
I'd
be
lying
if
I
said
I
never
have.
Yeah.
I've
had
my
moments.
Um,
I
think
though,
overall,
I
think
that's
why
I
use
humor
uh
to
help
me.
How
do
I
say
this
all
right?
I
I
use
humor
to
help
it
just
feel
not
so
heavy.
And
I
know
that's
not
everybody's
flavor.
Like
I
know
that
I
use
dark
humor
sometimes
in
my
platform,
and
I
have
received
a
couple
of
messages.
One
person
in
particular
was
actually
really
hurt
that
I
was
laughing
in
the
ways
that
I
was,
because
she's
like,
this
is
ruining
my
life.
How
are
you
able
to
laugh
about
it?
And
I
like
wrote
back
and
I
said,
it's
ruining
mine

Humor As A Lifeline

SPEAKER_00
15:47

too.
We
just
cope
in
different
ways.
And
that's
what
I
think
that
I
think
that
everybody
has
to
seek
is
like
what
is
actually
truly
a
healthy
way
to
cope.
Like,
I
wouldn't
say
that
everybody's
way
to
cope
is
humor.
It's
my
way
to
cope
because
I
also
have
a
husband
who's
a
law
enforcement
officer.
So
he
sees
really
wild
stuff
and
he
copes
through
humor.
And
our
life
is
almost
just
like
this
insane
merry-go-round
that
the
only
thing
we
know
how
to
do
is
to
laugh.
But
other
people
like
I
think
finding,
you
know,
an
outlet,
like
if
it's
art
or
cozying
up
to
like
a
good
movie,
you
know,
I
remember
uh
I
received
some
pretty
grim
news
um
a
couple
summers
ago
uh
that
it
looks
like
I'll
likely
develop
dementia
in
the
next
five
to
eight
years.
That's
kind
of
the
timestamp
that
was
put
on
me.
And
uh
my
husband
and
I,
we
did
fold
in
and
then
we
watched
all
the
Lord
of
the
Rings
and
Hobbit
movies
and
like
binged
them
and
ate
a
bunch
of
junk
food
and
cried
our
eyes
out,
and
then
that
helped
us
get
over
it,
you
know.
But
then
from
there,
then
we
just
made
a
lot
of
death
jokes,
honestly,
and
we
still
do.
And
so
I
don't
know,
like
I
said,
it's
not
everybody's
flavor
to
laugh,
but
laughing
for
me
just
makes
it
seem
more
like
we're
just
on
a
crazy
ride.
And
and
I
maybe
it
has
to
do
with
our
faith
too,
like
we're
Christians,
and
so
we
have
a
belief
that
like
this
isn't
our
only
existence,
and
I
think
that
helps
us
laugh
because
then
we
can
just
be
like,
you
know
what?
This
existence
was
wild,
can't
wait
to
see
you
in
the
next
one
because
a
little
bit
better.
That's
just
kind
of
our
flavor
to
handle
it
all.

SPEAKER_02
17:31

Yeah,
and
I
do
think
you
know,
everyone
is
different.
I'm
definitely
of
the
humor
type,
right?
You
know,
you
know,
you
know,
also
having
community
is
essential
for
me.
So,
you
know,
part
of
the
nonprofit
that
I'm
part
of,
we
the
the
board
is
phenomenal.
It's
five
women,
first
of
all,
who
all
get
along
who
laugh
and
want
to
be
around
each
other
and
work
hard
together.
Right.
Also,
we
all
have
really
angry
pelvises.
So
that's
our
joke
all
the
time
is
our
angry
pelvis
being
angry
pelvis
club,
you
know.
I
love
it.
It's
true.
We
all
have
an
angry
pelvis.
Some
guys,
like
some
of
our
husbands
were
like,
You
guys,
that
is
not
like
I
don't
like
that.
And
I'm
like,
but
it's
true.
Okay.
You
know?
And
so
that
was
one
of
the
things
that
both
one
of
the
gals
husbands
and
my
husband
were
like,
I
don't,
I
don't
want
to
hear
that
again.
Like,
I'm
like,
you
want
the
sticker
to
go?
Where
we
have
a
sticker,
okay?
Yeah,
you
know,
we're
in
my
t-shirts.
He
did.

SPEAKER_00
18:31

Well,
you
did,
yes,
I
love
that.
But
arguably
you
wouldn't
have
known
each
other
if
it
weren't
for
your
angry
pelvises.
Exactly.
It's
what
bonds
you.

SPEAKER_02
18:41

And
you
know,
now
we
can
sit
there
and
we
can
laugh
and
have
joy.
And
then
we
can
also
sit
with
each
other
on
the
really
hard
days.
Those
really
hard
moments
where
there's
no
explanation,
and
there's
no
explanation
needed.
It's
just
I'm
having
a
hard
day,
and
I
can
sit
in
the
space
and
grieve.
And
that
that
toughness,
you
know,
whether
it's
a
new
diagnosis,
whether
it's
a
challenge
with
your
current
diagnosis,
maybe
it's
who
knows?
Maybe
you're
just
flaring
constantly
and
can't
figure
it
out,
or
you
just
want
to,
you
know,
punch
a
wall
because
you're
so
angry
that
your
body
can't
be
normal.
Yeah,
you
can't
do
things
normally.
And
I
have
felt
that.
I
mean,
just
recently
I
have,
you
know,
felt
that
with
a
very
bad
SI
joint.
And
so
the
anger
behind
the
pain
and
being
and
missing
out
with
my
family,
like
that's
been
one
of
the
hardest
things.
Is
like,
yeah,
you
know,
my
kids
are
I'm
like,
um,
I'm
in
a
lot
of
pain
today.
Oh,
there's,
you
know,
my
kids
are
like,
again,
like
always.
I
thought
it
was
just
yesterday.
I
thought
it
was
just
yesterday.
Today's
new
day,
you
know.
Um,
but
I
think
there
is
like
something
to
be
said
about
holding
space
for
both,
right?
There's
space
for
humor
and
there's
space
for
grieving.
There's
space
for
just
being
too.
It
doesn't
there
doesn't
have
to
be
a
name
to
it.
And
I'm
there's
there's
healing
in
all
of
those
things
too.
Right.
You
know,
what
have
you
found
to
be
the
most
beneficial
other
than
humor
way
to
kind
of
walk
through
those
challenging
times?
I
mean,
you
talk
about
going
and
having
a
movie
night,
right?
There's
that's
one
time,
but
how
is
it
consistent?

Reclaiming Identity With A Keep–Adjust–Drop List

SPEAKER_00
20:29

Actually,
so
that
was
like
something
I
really
explored
this
past
year.
Um,
I'll
just
I
don't
want
to
get
too
too
heavy
on
like
something
that
happened.
I
had
a
very
traumatic
thing
though
happen
Christmas
of
2024.
So
2025,
I
just
needed
to
take
the
year
off.
Like
I
just
needed
to
not
chase
all
of
my
problems.
Like
I
had
to
go
to
a
few
doctors'
things
for
a
handful
of
issues
that
were
rather
like
acute,
like
couldn't
ignore
them.
But
otherwise,
like
I
didn't
chase
for
answers,
I
didn't
chase
for
diagnoses.
And
then
what
I
took
the
time
to
do
was
like
actually
really
explore
this.
Like,
what
makes
me
feel
like
me?
And
I
created
this
list
where
I
had
three
sections,
right?
So
the
first
section
was
I
wrote
things
I
used
to
enjoy.
And
that
could
just
be
in
any
phase
of
my
life,
from
when
I
was
a
kid
to
even
presently,
things
I
used
to
enjoy.
And
then
I
would
go
and
do
that
thing
again.
Um,
like,
like,
for
example,
I
used
to
play
at
open
mics
a
lot.
I
used
to
sing
and
and
play
my
instruments
and
and
everything
like
that.
So
I
would
I
went
to
the
open
mic,
tried
it
out
again,
and
then
like
I
really
paid
attention
to
like,
how
am
I
feeling?
Do
I
feel
myself?
Do
I
feel
grounded
right
now?
And
then
so
that's
where
it
would
lead
to
my
second
section,
which
was
keep,
adjust,
or
drop.
So
either
I
keep
it,
like,
okay,
yeah,
I
feel,
I
feel
good
right
here.
Or
I
didn't
quite
feel
it.
So
I'm
going
to
adjust
it,
try
again.
Or
like,
you
know
what?
Nope,
that
wasn't
me
at
all.
I've
I'm
I've
I've
that
part
of
me
is
just
gone
now.
And
so
I
would
just
drop
it.
And
then
I
that
third
section
just
allowed
me
to
kind
of
write
those
notes
of
just
like,
okay,
this,
I
think
I
need
to
adjust
this
and
this
is
how
I'm
going
to
adjust
it.
And
I'm
going
to
try
it
this
way
next
time,
or
any
other
thoughts
that
would
come
up
about
it.
And
so
honestly,
by
the
end
of
the
year,
I
told
my
therapist,
I
was
like,
turns
out
I
was
doing
a
lot
of
things
that
like
weren't
good
for
me.
I
was
just
like
spitting
myself
out
there
in
the
world,
just
like
trying
to
find
joy,
trying
to
find
dopamine,
honestly,
half
the
time.
Just
something
to
like
feel
like
I'm
enjoying
my
life.
And
I
said,
I
was
just
doing
a
lot
that
like
I
didn't
enjoy.
I
said
it
turns
out
by
the
end
of
the
year
I
only
have
like
four
or
five
things
that
like
I
really
enjoy
that
like
I
really
sit
with
it
and
I
want
to
do
it
and
I
feel
myself.
And
he's
like,
that's
normal.
It's
like
it's
not
normal
to
have
like
25
things.
I
was
like,
oh
I
did.
So
overachiever.
I
wasn't
trying.
I
think
my
brain
just
like
was
never
really
checking
in
with
like,
does
this
actually
feel
like
me?
Cause
like
you
hear,
you'll,
you
know,
you'll
see
like
trends
online.
You're
like,
well
that's
cool.
I'll
try
that
or
you
know,
and
so
I
was
collecting
just
too
much
and
I
was
like
overwhelming
my
system
with
just
nothing
that
really
helped
me
enjoy
who
I
am
or
to
like
climb
out
of
like
really
rough
moments.
So
like
I
just
had
another
like
phase
of
one
of
my
so
this
year
I'm
now
starting
to
go
back
to
like
trying
to
figure
things
out
with
my
body
and
the
past
doctor
appointment
I
had
gave
me
some
news
that
I
didn't
love.
So
I
was
sad,
ate
some
chocolate
because
that's
one
of
my
things
turns
out
not
dropping
chocolate.
Nope.
Turns
out
that
is
on
the
favorite
list.
That
is
on
the
top.
And
then
I
came
home
though
and
I
painted
and
normally
I
would
have
gone
and
done
something
arguably
like
borderline
reckless
because
I
have
really
bad
habits
of
like
I
don't
like
my
life.
I'm
going
to
do
something
wild.
Instead
though,
because
of
the
year
I
had
I
took
that
information
from
my
list
and
I'm
like
I
need
to
paint
right
now
and
my
insides
were
like
no
we
need
to
run
we
need
to
go
and
explore
because
of
that
fight
or
flight.
Yeah
and
like
that
like
grip
with
like
mortality
that
sometimes
is
just
really
hard
to
face.
But
instead
I
came
home
and
I
painted
and
like
I
was
able
to
just
like
pull
myself
out
of
that
dragging
down
type
feeling
so
much
easier
by
the
end
of
the
day.
Anyways
I
just
kind
of
went
off
on
a
minute
there
but
it's
just
something
I
was
like
really
explored
this
past
year.
So
I'm
really
passionate
about
it.
So
that's
just
so
painting
um
puzzling
playing
piano
those
are
kind
of
my
things
that
I
oh
and
riding
an
e-bike
and
my
husband
got
me
one
for
Christmas.
So
those
are
like
my
four
things.
I
do
any
one
of
those
and
it
just
really
helps
me
feel
myself
and
feel
like
I'm
enjoying
life
again.

SPEAKER_02
25:16

So
that's
brilliant.
Thank
you.
Like
I
really
I
mean
I
and
I
have
made
this
analogy
before
so
if
you've
listened
to
the
other
podcast
where
I've
talked
about
it
I'm
going
to
say
it
again.
But
I
I
live
in
this
picture
of
you
know
like
when
you
have
the
buffet
of
life
right
normal
people
have
like
that
12
inch
plate.
When
you
have
a
chronic
illness
you
have
a
six
inch
plate.

SPEAKER_04
25:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
25:40

And
so
you
have
to
manage
what
you
put
on
that
plate
otherwise
you
lose
its
flavor.
Yeah
it's
good.
It
gets
kind
of
lull
you
know
like
you
can't
differentiate
between
what
you
really
like
and
what
you
don't
anymore.
And
when
it
starts
to
overflow
you
can't
just
like
shove
it
back
on.
No
shot
of
a
lot.
Right.
And
so
and
it
you
may
drop
something
that
you
love
doing
because
you're
trying
to
fill
it
with
other
things
that
you
don't
love.
Yeah.
And
so
I
think
that's
one
of
the
things
that
I've
had
to
teach
myself
in
this
season
of
like
really
exploring
what
it
looks
like
to
have
a
tangible
pace
of
life
is
just
or
sustainable
pace
in
life
for
me
where
my
body
doesn't
react
negatively
I
have
to
find
the
things
that
fill
my
plate
that
are
good
and
that
I
want
and
that
are
necessary.
Yeah.
Right.
And
so
I
think
being
able
to
differentiate
that
the
way
that
you
talked
about
is
such
a
powerful
tool
for
all
of
us.

SPEAKER_00
26:47

Yeah
I
I
think
that
it
was
just
right
going
because
like
with
your
like
the
analogy
I
don't
know
of
six
inch
plate.
Yeah
what's
the
right
word
of
a
six
inch
plate

Managing Energy And The Six-Inch Plate

SPEAKER_00
26:57

it
it
does
become
that
because
like
with
my
example
of
doing
open
mics
turns
out
like
it's
too
much
noise
for
my
my
systems
now.
Like
I
I
and
when
I
start
wearing
out
my
nervous
system
everything
just
starts
to
wear
out.
And
so
then
I
I
adjusted
it
and
I
went
and
tried
a
bluegrass
group
like
just
jam
session
which
I'm
not
a
bluegrass
person
but
I
was
like
I
play
guitar
so
I
guess
I
could
do
it.
And
then
I
brought
noise
canceling
earplugs
with
me
because
I
knew
it
was
still
going
to
be
noisy
but
it
wasn't
going
to
be
as
noisy
as
performing
as
something
with
like
amps,
right?
Um
and
I
was
able
to
do
it
and
I
came
home
and
I
wasn't
sick
from
it
and
I
was
happy
with
it.
So
it
had
it
did
that's
why
you
do
like
the
adjust
because
like
with
a
chronic
illness
it
might
shift
year
to
year.
But
like
what
are
those
things
that
that
ground
you
and
that
make
you
really
just
sit
in
that
moment
be
like
I
really
like
living
right
now.
Like
right
now
I
really
enjoy
living
because
that's
that's
a
hard
thing
I
think
for
people
with
chronic
illnesses
to
wake
up
every
day
and
have
to
do
chronic
illness
existing
again.
So
that's
to
date
your
doctor
date
going
out
another
monotonous
bachelor.
They're
not
cute
most
of
the
time
sorry
doctors.

SPEAKER_02
28:21

Sorry
doctors
we
love
you
but
there's
like
to
be
like
well
who's
on
my
books
today
oh
another
doctor's
appointment
I
I
went
through
that
and
I'm
kind
of
in
that
state
now
where
um
there
for
a
while
I
was
going
to
quite
a
few
doctors
trying
to
figure
out
what
was
going
on
and
then
and
you
know
I
was
getting
to
the
point
where
I
was
like
I'm
seeing
a
doctor
multiple
times
a
week
I
can't
do
this
anymore.
Yeah.
I
need
to
breathe
I
feel
like
I'm
getting
lost
as
a
patient.
Yeah.
I'm
you
know
I
always
say
I
feel
like
sometimes
I'm
a
professional
patient.
And
honestly
like
I
don't
want
to
be
a
professional
patient.
I
want
to
be
on
a
team
with
my
doctors
but
it
when
you're
going
so
often
it
it
kind
of
feels
that
way.
And
I
do
think
it
stresses
our
immune
system
and
our
you
know
nervous
system
out
to
go
to
so
many
doctors,
right?
Right.
Sometimes
it's
necessary.
We
can't
avoid
it
all
the
time.
You
know
but
that's
kind
of
like
one
of
the
things
that
I
have
been
working
on
is
is
this
a
doctor's
appointment
I
need
to
be
in
physically
or
can
I
do
a
telehealth?
Oh
that's
a
good
thing
too
yeah
there
you
go.
Because
I
don't
know
about
you
but
as
someone
who
has
some
neurodivergence
in
her
ADHD
polyasymptism
and
but
the
the
fluorescent
lights
and
the
smells
overwhelm
me.
Like
I
can't
there
are
times
and
and
I
get
really
nervous
especially
seeing
new
provider
I
get
a
lot
of
anxiety
because
of
that
medical
trauma
because
you
know
it
who
knows
what's
going
to
happen
next
is
am
I
going
to
get
another
diagnosis?
Am
I
not?
We
don't
know
right
so
there's
there's
that
added
um
fear
there.
But
walking
into
a
doctor's
office
smelling
it
um
being
in
the
fluorescent
lights
hearing
all
the
noises
and
sitting
in
a
waiting
room
can
I
just
tell
you
that's
anxiety
driven
in
in
and
of
itself
I
hate
waiting
rooms
so
much.
But
those
it
can
I
do
does
this
have
to
be
in
person
or
can
I
do
a
telehealth?
Yeah.
Because
if
I
can
do
a
telehealth
I'm
going
to
do
a
telehealth.
Then
I
have
my
comforts
I
have
I
can
take
a
breath
I
can
take
a
pause
I
can
be
in
the
environment
that
is
most
comfortable
to
me.
Yeah.
You
know?
And
that's
kind
of
one
of
those
ways
that
navigating
doctor's
appointments
for
me
has
been
more
bearable.

SPEAKER_00
30:43

I
think
that's
genius.
Because
I
I
think
I'm
going
to
have
to
convert
a
lot
of
what
I
do
this
year
to
that.
Because
like
like
I
said
last
year
I
kind
of
took
the
year
off
but
already
I've
had
to
go
to
like
five
appointments
and
it's
just
January.
And
so
I
think
that's
a
great
way
to
also
kind
of
not
only
do
you
take
charge
of
your
hobbies
and
interests
that
help
you
feel
grounded
but
you're
also
taking
charge
of
like
your
mental
health
when
it
comes
to
seeking
help.
And
I
so
many
of
your
appointments
really
can
be
done
telehealth.
You
know
it's
just
give
me
an
update
on
my
labs
just
tell
me.

SPEAKER_02
31:20

Yeah
exactly
and
also
like
let's
avoid
like
all
the
germs
going
around.

SPEAKER_00
31:24

Honestly
it's
a
lot
of
that
I
get
what
you
mean
with
the
waiting
room
thing.

Telehealth, Sensory Overload, And Access

SPEAKER_02
31:27

I
get
like
nasty
germophobia
in
all
my
doctor's
appointments
I
went
to
a
doctor's
appointment
and
it
was
like
it
was
a
it
was
um
like
a
sports
medicine
doctor
and
so
they
help
you
know
different
range
of
people
of
you
know
various
degrees
and
then
there
was
this
old
guy
that
came
in
and
there
was
like
a
bathroom
in
the
waiting
room
which
is
a
ick
okay
it
is
it
stinks
it
stinks
like
let's
just
not
okay
well
right
and
I'm
like
why
is
this
necessary
so
there
was
a
bathroom
in
the
waiting
room
and
he's
like
walking
around
and
then
he
goes
into
the
bathroom
and
I
kid
you
not
he
walks
out
and
the
toilet
is
still
flushing
there's
no
way
he
washed
his
hands
no
way
gross
and
so
this
I'm
like
sitting
over
there
and
like
sanitizing
everything
I
just
can't
I
just
can't
do
it.
I
can't
it's
just
not
in
me.
But
that's
where
you
know
being
in
my
own
comfort
zone
I
can
kind
of
avoid
a
little
bit
of
that.

SPEAKER_00
32:25

But
yeah
you
know
well
and
it
I
mean
it's
just
smart.

SPEAKER_02
32:29

I
mean
I
think
a
lot
of
people
with
chronic
illness
have
weaker
immune
systems
in
general
so
it's
just
why
risk
if
it's
not
necessary
so
100%
hundred
percent
how
do
you
navigate
this
as
a
a
wife
as
a
mother
because
humor
is
great
and
it's
a
really
good
medicine
but
it
doesn't
solve
all
your
problems.
And
you
have
a
lot
that
comes
to
you
and
if
you're
anything
like
me
there's
a
lot
of
mom
guilt
there's
a
lot
of
wife
guilt
there's
a
lot
of
like
I
don't
want
to
say
shame
I
don't
I
don't
have
shame
behind
my
body
but
there's
anger
there's
sadness
you
know
that
you're
feeling
like
you're
missing
out.

SPEAKER_00
33:08

How
have
you
navigated
that
well
still
with
humor
I
told
my
husband
to
divorce
me
today
and
he
knew
I
was
joking
I
was
just
like
just
divorce
me
already
I
haven't
been
able
to
do
the
dishes
in
days
and
I
just
feel
really
bad.
Anyways
just
been
laying
in
bed
honestly
for
four
days
now.

SPEAKER_03
33:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00
33:30

So
but
I
mean
like
underneath
the
humor
where
I
get
the
most
tender
is
with
my
kids.
Like
my
husband's
a
grown
man
he
can
take
it
you
know
there
have
been
moments
though
where
he
isn't
taking
it
well
and
we
have
to
really
regroup
and
reconnect
with
my
kids
though
they
they're
experiencing
life
through
such
a
different
lens
than
all
of
their
friends.
And
I
think
they're
just
now
approaching
the
age
where
they
know
it's
different.
And
I
was
actually
just
talking
to
my
husband
about
this
this
morning
is
that
there's
another
gal
that
I
follow.
She's
got
two
very
young
kids
like
a
toddler
and
an
infant.
And
she
has
this
moment
where
she's
having
a
seizure
and
the
little
toddler's
just
like
walking
around
her
like
no,
this
is
what
mom
does.
And
my
kids
used
to
be
that
way
but
now
when
I
have
a
seizure
they
cry
and
they
don't
know
what
to
do.
And
so
honestly
like
our
biggest
focus
is

Marriage, Caregiving, And Transparency

SPEAKER_00
34:29

making
sure
that
our
kids
feel
connected
to
us.
It's
was
tempting
and
at
times
still
is
for
me
to
push
them
all
away
because
if
they
have
less
of
me
maybe
I
won't
hurt
them
as
much
is
kind
of
like
the
silly
mentality
behind
that.
But
instead
that
was
just
doing
more
damage.
And
so
now
like
when
I'm
having
bad
days
I
try
to
hold
them
a
little
bit
more
even
if
it's
just
in
my
bed
or
I
ask
them
to
bring
me
something
that
they're
working
on
like
bring
it
to
mommy.
I
want
to
see
it.
Show
me
your
Legos.
Show
me
what
you're
coloring
you
know
just
so
that
they
really
feel
feel
like
maybe
when
mommy's
not
well
this
is
special
mommy
time.
I
don't
they're
still
so
young.
They're
seven
and
four
so
I
can't
really
like
ask
them
like
do
you
feel
better
when
we
hang
out
and
look
at
your
Legos?
Like
I
don't
know.
But
giving
what
I
can
when
I
can
is
pretty
much
the
only
option
I've
got
and
I
just
hope
and
pray
that
in
the
end
I
mean
arguably
they're
going
to
have
trauma
and
um
I
I
hope
that
therapist
does
well
in
the
future
for
them.
But
um
I
hope
that
like
it's
at
least
sweetened
with
little
memories
of
yeah
my
mom
spent
a
lot
of
time
in
bed
but
then
we
got
to
like
watch
movies
together.
We
got
to
snuggle
we
got
to
play
Legos.
I
don't
know
it's
it's
really
tricky
to
navigate
because
it
is
a
very
emotional
thing
for
them.
And
in
fact
I
mean
we're
we're
about
to
sign
my
seven
year
old
up
for
therapy
just
because
he's
having
an
emotional
reaction
sometimes
that
we
just
don't
know
how
to
handle.
Yeah.
And
so
it's
just
we're
just
using
what
tools
we
can.
With
my
husband,
you
know,
he's
um
done
his
own
therapy
bouts
with
it
because
there's
just
times
where
he
can't
come
to
me
to
express
how
upset
he
is
because
arguably
it's
upsetting
for
me
to
hear
it.
And
so
that's
been
a
very
useful
tool
but
I
know
that
like
overall
I
think
being
really
transparent,
we've
say
that
word
a
lot
let's
be
transparent
right
now.
Like
how
are
you
feeling
how
are
you
doing
mentally?
With
with
my
husband,
the
transparency,
we
even
for
a
while
there
did
what
we
call
a
transparency
journal
where
um
it
was
getting
really
hard
for
us
to
talk
about
how
hard
things
were
without
getting
emotional.
And
so
we
would
write
out
all
of
our
thoughts
of
like
whatever
and
then
we'd
hand
it
to
the
other
person
and
we
had
a
rule
that
they
had
to
answer
it
in
48
hours.
And
so
they
got
to
sit
down
with
these
thoughts,
these
emotions
when
they
were
ready
for
it
and
then
express
their
thoughts
and
emotions
kind
of
without
the
odds
of
like
anybody
interrupting
it,
anybody
saying
they're
wrong.
Right.
And
that
actually
was
really
healing
for
a
phase
in
our
marriage
where
we
were
really
struggling
to
feel
connected.
So
it
takes
work.
Yeah
it
it
unfortunately
if
you're
chronically
ill
you're
working
really
hard
just
for
what
a
lot
of
people
would
take
for
granted
but
for
me
it
makes
the
reward
of
those
relationships
so
much
richer.
I
love
my
kids
and
I
love
my
husband
because
we've
taken
that
time
to
pour
that
love
into
those
relationships.

SPEAKER_02
37:59

Yeah
one
of
the
things
that's
really
hard
I
mean
I
have
days
where
it's
really
hard
for
me
to
give
more
at
night
specifically
so
like
the
bath
times
the
the
dinner
the
dishes
the
cleaning
up
my
husband
has
to
take
a
lot
of
that
load
a
lot
of
load
right
and
and
there's
a
lot
of
guilt
that
I
sit
with
in
that
because
I'm
like
I
should
be
doing
more
like
he
works
all
day
he
comes
home
he's
he
I
mean
he
pretty
much
takes
over
the
household
when
he
gets
home
and
he
never
complains
about
it
never
complains.
But
I
have
that
guilt
right
like
I
need
to
be
more
of
a
partner
to
him
and
one
of
the
things
that
I
do
to
kind
of
help
connect
that
is
when
I
can
do
things
I
absolutely
do
them.
And
I
can
do
them
a
lot
of
times
but
there
are
there
are
seasons
where
it
is
much
harder
to
do
certain
things
right
and
I'm
honest
about
that.
You
know
I
I
kind
of
kind
of
help
by
gauging
where
I'm
at
each
day
when
he
gets
home
and
and
we
talk
throughout
the
day
we'll
text
or
whatever.
The
other
thing
that
we've
always
done
is
at
night
when
I'm
able
to
we
do
everything
together.
So
it's
like
we
do
the
dishes
together.
I'll
clean
the
table
while
he's
doing
dishes
the
things
that
I
really
struggle
with
like
leaning
over
a
sink
that's
really
hard
for
me
with
my
back
my
hypermobility
like
to
stand
that
long
in
front
of
the
sink
sometimes
is
really
hard.
So
he'll
do
the
dishes
and
he'll
he'll
you
know
and
I'll
clean
the
table
I'll
do
the
things
that
I
can
do
and
we'll
talk
so
it'll
be
in
those
conversations
like
sometimes
we
stand
around
the
kitchen
and
just
talk
or
you
know
we'll
have
a
drink
at
night
together.
Yeah.
At
the
couch
and
just
talk.
And
sometimes
it's
about
nothing
in
particular
but
it's
about
being
present
where
you
can
you
know
same
thing
with
my
kids.
It's
it's
but
it's
not
easy
because
now
my
girls
know
that
they're
more
susceptible
to
having
things
like
in
though
like
a
lot
of
what
I
deal
with
are
genetic
nature.
And
so
my
girls
know
this.
They
hear
me
talk
about
it.
They're
not
dumb
you
know
and
so
there's
that
guilt
for
me
as
far
as
like
my
girls
could
potentially
have
this
and
and
walk
through
that
I
will
I
will
help
them
along
the
way
obviously
they
don't
have
to
do
that
alone.
I
think
they
see
a
picture
of
what
their
future
could
look
like
and
that
bothers
me
probably
more
than
them
seeing
me
sick.

SPEAKER_00
40:31

I
know
what
you
mean
no
I
do
because
like
I
I've
seen
some
things
with
I
mean
like
like
I
said
some
of
my
things
are
just
like
weird
deformities
when
I
was
born
but
a
lot
of
it
is
genetic
and
I
see
it
actually
more
in
my
daughter
than
in
my
son.
And
as
I'm
watching
her
grow
and
her
extra
bendiness
and
everything
like
that,
I'm
like,
oh
no
I
think
it's
I
I
I
get
really
bothered
online.
I've
seen
some
people
say
that
like

Parenting Through Illness And Gentle Presence

SPEAKER_00
41:00

when
people
who
knowingly
have
conditions
or
diseases
have
children
like
they
should
be
put
in
jail
for
that
basically
I
think
that
like
we
really
need
to
change
the
narrative
that
um
being
chronically
ill
is
the
end
of
your
life.

SPEAKER_03
41:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00
41:15

Like
I
was
really
disturbed
when
I
saw
that
like
the
Norwegian
countries
were
getting
like
medals
and
praised
for
eradicating
Down
syndrome
when
really
the
the
mode
for
doing
it
was
abortion.
And
it
bothered
me
that
like
we're
not
talking
enough
about
the
fact
that
like
a
person
just
because
they
have
to
exist
a
little
differently
doesn't
have
any
value.
And
so
what
I
really
try
to
drive
home
to
my
children
is
like
no
matter
what
they
end
up
with,
they
are
valuable.
They
have
a
lot
to
give
this
world
even
if
you're
bed
bound
you
can
still
give
to
this
world
you
can
give
your
thoughts
on
a
blog
or
or
and
you
don't
have
to
give
to
the
world
arguably
you
can
just
give
for
yourself.
Yeah
you
can
give
for
your
home
or
or
your
little
family
or
you
know
that
it's
it's
you're
just
you're
not
worthless
though.
And
so
that's
what
I
try
to
teach
my
children
and
that's
what
I
try
to
show
them
too
you
know
like
when
I
do
my
silly
little
paintings
which
are
not
very
good
I
do
try
to
show
them
and
I'm
like
look
at
what
look
at
what
mommy
made
and
all
it
is
I
mean
I
know
that
we're
not
old
enough
to
have
like
the
big
conversations
but
arguably
they
watched
me
lay
in
bed
all
day
and
mommy
made
a
little
painting.
Cool
mom
you
know
like
but
mommy
just
still
did
something
I
and
and
I
still
am
here
I'm
alive
I'm
alive
and
that's
what
I
just
don't
want
my
kids
to
think
is
that
if
they
do
get
these
things
that
their
life
is
over
and
down
do
I
feel
sad
that
it's
gonna
be
similar
struggles
to
what
I've
had.
Yeah
but
at
least
they've
got
a
tutor.

SPEAKER_02
42:51

Right.
Yeah
yeah
and
that's
something
why
I'm
doing
what
I'm
doing
is
to
help
change
the
trajectory
for
my
kids.
Yeah
like
making
it
better
for
the
next
generation
hopefully
I
can't
do
it
alone
but
I
I
I
I
want
to
put
my
two
cents
in
like
I
want
to
do
what
I
can
when
I
can
you
know
well
and
I
love
that
too
because
so
I'm
loving
that
there's
more
and
more
people
talking
about
their
chronic
illnesses
because
now
the
doctors
are
hearing
more
about
these
things.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00
43:23

And
we
have
social
media
and
we
have
the
internet
and
ways
to
put
this
information
out
there
that
the
doctors
are
getting
a
more
like
in
real
time
in
real
life
these
are
what
things
some
people
are
dealing
with
and
and
it
and
I
think
that
that
only
helps
with
quicker
diagnoses
as
well
as
more
modalities
and
and
ways
to
help
yeah
the
next
generation.

SPEAKER_02
43:46

So
yeah
it's
great.
When
you're
talking
to
other
people
online
what
are
some
of
the
most
inspiring
things
that
you
hear
and
see
oh
I
think
in
general

SPEAKER_00
44:00

The
fact
that
people
want
to
connect
over
these
issues
feels
really
cool.
I
only
started
my
platform
in
March
last
year.
So
coming
up
on
my
one
year
birthday
of
being
an
influencer.
I
don't
know
what
you
call
it.
But
um,
but
um
the
like
I
just
remember
at
first
I
was
not
creating
with
much.
I
was
just
putting
out
little
memes
that
I
thought
were
funny
that
I
would
make.
But
then
people
wanted
to
like
talk
about
them
and
people
wanted
to
like
connect
over
them.
And
I
had
I
don't
even
have
but
like
one
friend
that
has
chronic
illness,
and
I'm
like,
hey,
yeah,
this
is
cool.
Wow.
And
so
I
think
it's
just
been
neat
now
to
grow.
I'm
still
like
arguably
on
the
smaller
side,
but
I've
got
like
almost
8,000
on
Instagram
now
and
like
6,000
on
TikTok.
That's
not
nobody,
that's
a
lot
of
people.
That's
a
crowd.
Um
and
and
I
know
what
I've
been
just
so
touched
by
is
when
people
are
saying
that
what
I'm
doing
is
make
is
making
a
positive
impact
on
their
life.
I
didn't
think
I
could
have
that
effect.
I'm
a
big
goofy
dorky
person.
Um,
and
my
husband
likes
me.
But
I
was
as
sure,
I
wasn't
sure
if
the
rest
of
the
world
would.
You
know
what?
You're
winning
for
one.
That's
all
that
matters.
That's
it.
That's
right.
It's
just
I
think
um
watching
them
feel
more
courageous
to
talk
to
their
doctors
themselves,
watching
people
say,
like,
hey,
now
I
want
to
make
chronic
illness
content.
I
want
to
be
seen,
I
want
to
be
a
part
of
this.
Um,
I've
gotten
comments
of
of
like
people,
you
know,
I'm
crying
right
now.
Thank
you
so
much.
You
put
it
into
words
that
I
couldn't.
Um
and
all
of
that
just
really
inspires
me
to
keep
going
because
um
this
can
be
a
really
lonely,
rough
road.
And
especially
if
you're
just
not
living
in
a
hospital,
I
doubt
you
know
very
many
people
with
chronic
illnesses.
So
it's
just
nice
to
have
a
community
that
understands
what
it's
like.
And
I
have
never
had
that.
Um,
and
it's

Community, Social Media, And Being Seen

SPEAKER_00
46:08

really
a
blessing
to
be
a
part
of,
honestly.

SPEAKER_02
46:11

Yeah.
It's
hard
to
like
step
outside
of
your
circumstances
sometimes
and
out
of
the
isolation
of
your
circumstances.
And
then
when
you
do,
it
kind
of
feels
like
freedom
to
just
be
you.
Yes.
And
you
don't
have
to
make
this
massive
impact
of
like
global
proportions
by
doing
everything
you
possibly
can,
wearing
yourself
out,
but
you
can
make
a
big
impact
in
someone's
life.
Like,
yes.

SPEAKER_00
46:42

I
think
it's
very
much
it
comes
down
to
like
the
one,
like
so.
My
husband,
he
does
social
media,
he
has
a
very
big
following.
He's
like
hundreds
of
thousands
of
people
watch
his
face
every
day.
Bless
him.
He
does
law
enforcement
content,
so
it's
a
rather
polar.
He
just
shows
up
and
there's
polarity
there.
For
me,
like
I
was
at
first
really
trying
to
almost
like
compete.
I'm
like,
I'm
gonna
catch
up,
I'm
gonna
get
where
you're
at
here
real
soon.
Um,
turns
out
not
a
lot
of
people
maybe
want
to
like
face
the
music
of
like
what
their
life
is
and
what
they're
going
through.
This
is
like
a
difficult
topic
for
people
to
kind
of
look
at
and
like
want
to
look
at
it.
So
that's
where
actually
no,
though,
I
have
now
like
a
collection
of
of
friends
that
I
have
a
deeper
connection
with
than
my
husband
will
ever
have
with
his
audience.
And
so
it
really
does
come
down
to
like
if
I
get
just
one
person
that
says
this
was
awesome,
I'm
like,
yeah,
yeah.
I
don't
need
thousands
of
fans.
I
just
need
one
person
to
be
like,
this
made
a
difference
in
my
day.
Yeah,
that
feels
really
good.

SPEAKER_02
47:46

Yeah.
I'm
not
good
with
social
media.
That
is
why
I
never
had
even
made
a
real
until
I
started
this
podcast.
And
I
still
am
like,
oh,
I
don't
want
to
do
it.
You
know,
my
energy.
Um,
my
husband
is
not
a
social
media
person,
is
not
on
it
at
all.
He
has
no
desire
to
be.
He
barely
talks
to
humans
if
we're
being
honest.
So
but
I
wish
he
would
because
he's
really
witty
and
he's
really
fun.
But
it
it
is
it
is
what
it
is.
And
so
that's
not
my
strong
suit,
but
it
is
interesting
to
like
be
able
to
put
content
out
there
that
it
you
is
meaningful
to
you
and
it's
meaningful
to
others.
Like,
yes,
I
love
getting
those
messages
where
people
are
like,
this
really
helped
me,
and
and
I
am
so
happy
that
it
does.
That
that's
the
reason
I
do
this,
right?
Is
to
help
people
and
give
voice
to
people
that
feel
like
they
don't
have
a
voice
in
their
own
health
journey.
Right.
That
is
something
that
I
feel
like
sometimes
the
medical
field
can
strip
from
you
in
in
a
way,
right?
Like
they
strip
that
autonomy,
if
you
will,
by
not
giving
you
that
space
to
speak
for
yourself.

SPEAKER_01
48:59

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00
49:00

Well,
they
they
don't.
I
mean,
you
get
like
a
15-minute
spat
with
a
doctor.
You
don't
get
to
tell
them
about,
like,
hey,
this
is
really
affecting
my
husband.
He's
like
super
depressed.
Um,
this
is
really
affecting
my
children.
They
cry
all
the
time.
Like,
there's
none
of
that.
You
can't
be
human
about
it.
You
just
have
to
switch
right
into
like,
here's
my
latest
symptoms,
this
is
what's
going
on,
these
are
my
previous
diagnoses,
this
is
the
direction
I
think
we
should
go.
What
are
your
thoughts?
And
they're
like,
I
don't
know,
try
this
specialist,
and
they
spit
you
on
to
the
next
guy
and
you
gotta
do
it
all
over
again.
So
it's
it's
hard.
And
so,
like,
doing
content
makes
it
human.
And
like,
like
I
just
started
a
blog
this
month
uh
uh
with
the
issue
of
Cody.com,
issue
with
Cody,
of
Cody,
I
don't
know,
whatever
I
am.
Uh
and
I
got
my
first
issue
somewhere.
I've
got
issues,
anyways.
But
um
uh
but
I
had
my
first
person
comment
back
on
a
blog
just
like
the
other
week.
And
like
I'm
like,
oh,
I'm
doing
it.
Like,
and
it's
not
because
I'm
doing
it
because
I'm
making
money.
I
even
did
this
funny
thing
yesterday.
Somebody
wrote
me
a
poem
about
mine
and
my
husband's
relationship,
and
it
inspired
them
to
write
poetry.
And
I
got
on
my
story
and
I
was
like,
y'all,
I
don't
want
to
be
paid
in
cash,
I
want
to
be
paid
in
art.
Yeah,
I
want
to
inspire
people,
and
that
just
feels
really
cool.
That
like
the
hard
things
I
go
through,
I'm
not
alone
in,
right?
And
can
help
other
people
feel
less
alone.
That
feels
really
good.

SPEAKER_02
50:31

Yeah.
I
mean,
and
talking
about
the
whole
doctor's
office
and
money
thing,
we
we
touched
on
this
not
on
the
podcast
before,
but
before
we
started,
was
the
fact
that
a
lot
of
times
in
chronic
illness,
we
end
up
going
cash
pay
for
the
things
that
we
desperately
need
just
to
survive,
right?
Because
our
healthcare
system
is
just
not
built
for
those
of
us
in
chronic
illness
spaces,
right?
And
how
we
have
to
give
up
so
much
in
order
to
do
that.
And
it
feels
like
life
gets
taken
from
you
sometimes,
the
life
you
dreamt
of.
How
do
you
process

Cash Pay, Lost Plans, And Small Joys

SPEAKER_02
51:10

walking
through
chronic
illness,
taking
so
much
of
what
you
thought
your
life
was
gonna
be
like
and
not
letting
it
sink
you?

SPEAKER_00
51:22

That's
a
really
good
question.
I
it's
hard
to
answer
now
because
this
just
it's
been
so
long
that
I
kind
of
I
don't
I
don't
set
goals
anymore.
In
fact,
my
very
first
blog
post
was
how
I
find
resolutions
to
be
dumb
and
I
don't
like
them
because
nothing
ever
goes
to
plan
in
my
year.
I
I'm
lucky
if
I
get
something
to
go
to
plan
in
my
month.

SPEAKER_01
51:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00
51:53

And
so
I
know
at
first
when
I
first
got
sick,
I
was
still
finishing
my
college
degree,
and
I
had
dreams
of
my
career,
and
I
had
dreams
of
how
I
was
just
gonna
execute
my
entire
life.
And
then
very
suddenly
uh
it
was
not
going
to
happen
that
way,
and
I
just
knew
it.
Like
my
then
boyfriend,
but
now
husband,
was
like,
this
is
just
gonna
be
a
little
thing.
You'll
be
better
in
a
couple
months.
And
I
just
knew
in
my
system,
knew
my
body
that
I
was
like,
this
is
one
of
those
things
you
don't
really
come
back
from.
I
can
feel
that.
And
so
I
think
that
it's
hard
because
yeah,
the
medical
system
costs
so
much.
I
do
a
lot
of
alternative
medicine
to
help
the
littler
things,
and
so
that's
all
cash
pay.
Then
you've
got
to
pay
co-pays
and
for
scans.
Oh
my
gosh,
I
have
to
get
so
many
scans
every
year
that
like
it's
insane.
And
so
we
don't
get
to
go
on
vacations.
Uh,
we
have
kind
of
an
old
halfway
broken
house.
We
uh,
you
know,
don't
have
any
luxurious
cars.
The
luxurious
thing
I
own
is
an
e-bike
now.
And
it's
very
nice
e-bike.
Like
it's
outside
of
that,
I'm
wearing
TJ
Maxx
clothing
and
just
like
it's
easier
said
than
done,
right?
But
don't
keep
up
with
any
Jones.
Yeah.
Just
don't.
Just
don't.
Don't
even
look
at
them.
They're
not
even
your
grass,
they're
not
even
your
yard,
they're
not
even
your
family,
they're
not
even
your
life.
So,
how
do
you
make
what
you've
got
and
really
make
it
something
magical?
I
can't
say
every
day
feels
like
I'm
in
Disneyland,
but
I
got
to
watch
the
snow
fall
slowly
out
my
back
door.
It's
like
become
that
in
my
life.
Yeah.
It
really
is.
And
it's
it
would
it
took
years
to
get
there.
So
if
anybody
listening
to
this
is
like,
I
am
not
there,
I'm
still
angry
that
I
don't
get
the
life
that
I
want.
It's
okay.

SPEAKER_01
53:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00
53:49

Be
angry.
Go
smash
some
plates,
go
go
throw
a
pumpkin
off
of
a
hill.
That
was
very
therapeutic
for
me
one
time.
Like,
yeah,
it's
okay.
It's
okay.
This
is
really
hard
to
like
grieve
and
to
let
go.
But
when
you
can,
in
the
moments
that
you
can,
just
slow
down,
slow
down,
start
get
stop
getting
your
tunnel
vision
of
all
the
things
you're
missing
out
on,
and
what
is
actually
happening
right
now.
And
what
is
good
about
it,
and
and
what
what
can
be
just
worth
living
for.
And
just
looking
at
little
snowflakes
falling
the
other
day
just
made
my
week.
I
wouldn't
say
that
transition's
easy,
but
but
um
with
practice,
you
can
you
can
definitely
change
your
mindset
as
to
what
a
good
life
is.

SPEAKER_02
54:31

Yeah.
I
think
it
little
things
can
add
up
to
big
things.
Yeah.
Little
things
can
add
up
to
big
impact.
They
always
say
if
life
gives
you
lemons,
make
lemonade.
I
hate
lemonade
because
it
goes
down
too
fast.
And
so
um
I'm
just
not
a
real
sour
person
in
general,
but
but
you
know
what
I
do
like
are
those
lemon
heads
with
the
sugar
on
the
outside
that
you
like,
you
know,
it
just
stays
there,
you
know,
and
it
it
l
it
lingers,
it
lasts.
Um
and
I
want
sweetness
to
last
as
much
as
I
can.
And
sometimes
we
have
to
be
okay
with
just
that
little
bit
of
sweetness
that
lasts
instead
of
like
quick
moments
of
gratitude
are
great.
But
right
sitting
before
you
and
do
I
have
food
to
eat?
Hopefully
you
do.
And
if
you
do,
that's
a
gift,
you
know?
Especially
if
you're
not
able
to
work,
right?
Right.
For
food
on
the
table.
Do
I
have
friends?
Do
I
have
family?
And
if
you
don't
have
those
things,
reach
out
to
people.
Well,
people
help.
We'll
be
your
friends.
We'll
be
your
friends.
We'll
be
your
friends,
yeah.
That's
what
we're
doing
this
for.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I
can
be
a
good
friend.
I
may
not
get
back
to
you.
I
might
look
at
your
text
and
not
get
back
to
you
for
a
week,
but
I'll
get
back
eventually.
Oh,
we'll
get
there.
I'm
just
as
bad.

SPEAKER_00
55:57

ADHD
is
it's
a
thing.
I
didn't
know
I
had
it
till
a
year
ago.
I
got
a
genetic
test
done.
And
I
was
like,
my
mom
has
ADHD.
My
sister
and
my
brother,
they
all
definitely
have
ADHD,
but
not
me.
I
was
like,
not
me
at
all.
And
then
I
got
a
test
back
and
it
was
like,
you
have
11
alleles
for
ADHD.
I
was
like,
oh,
I'm
very
ADHD,
it
turns
out.

SPEAKER_01
56:17

Oh,
take
it.
Forgot
to
look
in
the
mirror.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00
56:22

But
no,
it's
it's
a
real
thing.
But
no,
it's
yeah,
it
uh
yeah,
like
I
said,
I
think
that
like
if
10
years
ago
me
heard
the
heard,
you
know,
somebody
saying,
like,
just
love
the
little
things,
I'd
be
like,
shut
up.
I
don't
want
to
hear
that.
Like,
don't
tell
me
I
want
the
big
things.
I
want
my
dreams.
I
want
what
I
what
I
want.
So
it's
like
there's
space
for
both.
Yeah.
But
like
what
you
said
with
the
lemon
head,
if
it's
sweet,
stop.
Just
soak
it.
Just
just
get
all
the
sweet
you
can
out
of
whatever
that
little
moment
is.
If
it's
your
kids
giggling,
just
stop.
Listen
to
them
giggle.
You
know,
if
if
it's
uh
a
new
song
dropped
by
your
favorite
artist,
just
sit
and
listen
to
it.
Just
enjoy
it.
So
it
just
makes
life
rich.
Yeah.
It's
go
for
like
a
nice
rich
slice
of
chocolate
cake.
You
know,
you're
not
eating
the
whole
cake,
just
get
a
good
slice.

SPEAKER_02
57:18

Slice.
Yeah.
And
it
and
if
it's
memes
back
and
forth
to
your
best
friends,
then
let
it
be.
Let
it
be.
Yeah.
And
that's
okay.
Sometimes
we
just
need
to
like
doom
scroll.
Not
doom
scroll.
I
don't
I
don't
encourage
that.
I
encourage
doom
memeing.
Uh
there.

SPEAKER_00
57:34

Yes.
Yeah.
I
have
a
friendship
Instagram
group.
No,
that's
all
we
do.
We
send
funny
memes.
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
57:41

I
love
that's
all
we
do.
My
friend
group.
We
do
a
lot
of
memes.
That's
how
we
communicate.
We
actually
don't
use
words
anymore.
So
fair.

Tangible Advice For The Thick Of It

SPEAKER_00
57:50

I
think
we've
retrograde
to
like
caveman
talk
in
a
lot
of
our
communication
in
the
world,
anyway.
So
pictures
make
sense.
That's
how
they
started
in
caves
anyway.

SPEAKER_02
57:58

So
yeah,
it's
fine.
Oh
my
gosh.
What
is
maybe
one
or
two
pieces
of
advice
that
you
would
have
for
someone
who
is
really
in
the
thick
of
it
right
now?
Really
in
the
thick
of
navigating
either
a
new
diagnosis
or
navigating
the
grief,
the
sadness,
the
anger
surrounding
their
chronic
illness.
What
are
some
very
tangible
pieces
of
it
pieces
of
advice
that
you
would
give
to
them?

SPEAKER_00
58:26

I'd
say
my
first
piece
of
advice
is
pain
demands
to
be
felt.
So
go
feel
it.
Go
feel
it.
Go.
I
don't
know
what
that
is
for
you.
If
you
need
to
go
sing
a
song
at
the
top
of
your
lungs,
if
you
need
to
go,
like
I
said,
chunk
pumpkins
off
a
hill.
If
you
need
to
scream
into
the
void,
just
go
do
it.
Pain
demands
to
be
felt,
and
that's
okay.
So
do
it.
And
then
my
second
piece
of
advice
though,
after
you've
felt
your
pain,
choose
something
that
makes
your
life
rich.
Just
make
it
your
thing.
Yeah.
Make
it
so
that
when
you
wake
up
in
the
morning,
there
is
something
there
that
you
really
just
want
to
do.
You
want
to
wake
up
for.
And
if
all
you
have
is
an
energy
amount
of
ten
minutes
to
do
that
thing,
don't,
don't,
don't
compare
yourself
to
the
Joneses
that
they
got
to
do
it
for
an
hour
and
you
could
only
do
it
for
10
minutes.
Just
do
your
10
minute
thing.
I
don't
know.
Just
it's
an
endurance
mindset.
You
can
have
to
have
an
endurance
mindset.
And
then
after
you
do
it
enough,
eventually
your
new
normal
actually
can
be
pretty
good.

SPEAKER_02
59:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00
59:35

Can
be
pretty
good.

SPEAKER_02
59:37

For
those
that
are
maybe
in
a
better
space
with
their
chronic
illness,
what
would
be
one
piece
of
advice
that
you
would
give
them
in
their
advocacy?

SPEAKER_00
59:50

Shout
it
from
the
rooftops.
Post
about
it.
If
you
don't
want
to
create
like
a
true
social
media
page,
just
put
it
on
your
Facebook
or
something,
you
know,
like,
or
or
talk
about
it
on
YouTube.
Just
set
up
your
camera
and
just
talk.
I
think
that
people
are
hungry
right
now
for
information.
Amazingly,
like
a
lot
of
these
platforms
have
become
their
own
Google
search
engine
in
a
way.
You
know,
you
can
use
YouTube.

Partner Q&A And Daily Honesty

SPEAKER_00
1:00:15

How
many
of
us
use
YouTube?
Like,
how
do
I
sew
a
pocket
on,
you
know?
And
there's
like
500
videos
for
people
that
apparently
sewing
pockets
was
really
important
to
500
people
to
make
a
video
about
it.
Your
condition,
your
diagnosis
is
going
to
be
important
to
somebody
else's
journey.
I
would
have
not
known
what
dysonic
storms
were
until
I
watched
somebody
else's
video
and
I
went,
oh,
I
do
that.
That
looks
familiar.
And
then
I
searched
that
route,
and
that's
how
I
finally
found
a
diagnosis.
That's,
I
think
that's
going
to
be
the
way
that
the
medical
world
is
shifting,
is
us
peers,
us
patients
talking
about
it
so
that
we
can
all
help
the
next
generation
have
information
quicker
so
that
they
can
get
relief
quicker.
So
talk
loud.
Talk
about
it
where
you
can.
Blog
about
it,
make
videos
about
it,
do
podcasts.
Just
whatever
your
form,
just
do
it.

SPEAKER_02
1:01:10

Yeah.
Oh
I
love
it.
I
love
it.
Cody,
you
are
a
breath
of
fresh
air
for
me.

unknown
1:01:16

Well,
thank
you.

SPEAKER_02
1:01:18

I've
enjoyed
this.
This
is
so
fun.
Yeah.
I,
you
know,
I
I
oftentimes
and
I
love
I
love
doing
this
podcast.
I
love
being
able
to
bring
the
technical
side
of
things,
but
I
also
really
love
sitting
with
humans
that
get
it,
that
can
have
a
different
perspective
than
my
own
and
allow
me
the
space
to
learn
and
grow
from
them
how
to
navigate
this
life
with
chronic
illness.
Like
it
is
never
linear.
It's
never
this,
we've
got
it
figured
out.
We
are
continuously
learning
how
to
live
this
life
and
how
to
live
it
with
a
chronic
illness.
And
so
when
you
have
others
who
have
a
different
perspective,
I
there's
there's
just
something
so
refreshing.
And
and
that
sounds
weird
to
say
because
it's
like,
I'm
so
glad
that
you
have
chronic
illness
so
that
I
can
learn
from
you.
That's
not
what
I'm
saying.

SPEAKER_00
1:02:09

That's
fine.
But
we
all
need
friends
and
what
the
things
we're
going
through,
so
that's
okay.
Right.

SPEAKER_02
1:02:14

Well,
I
have
to
walk
through
this.
I
want
to
walk
through
it
with
friends,
you
know.
I
want
to
walk
through
it
with
other
people
who
get
it.
And
and
if
we
have
to
do
it
online,
we
have
to
do
it
online.
That
I
mean,
I
guess
that's
the
one
good
thing
about
technology
is
that
you
can
do
it
with
other
people,
right?
I
think
so.

SPEAKER_00
1:02:28

I
think
that's
the
beautiful
thing
about
it
is
that
I
now
get
to
talk
to
somebody,
not
even
in
my
state,
not
even
in
my
neighborhood,
but
somebody
who
gets
it.
And
I
just
gotta
have
a
really
fun
conversation
for
a
whole
hour
about
it.
And
I
learned
a
lot.
So
this
is
this
is,
I
think
I
hope
so
inspire
other
people.
Open
up
the
conversation,
get
yourself
out
there,
find
spaces
and
places
that
you
can
feel
this
kind
of
connection.
It's
really
good
for
you.

SPEAKER_02
1:02:49

Yeah.
And
now
I'm
gonna
leave
this
open
to
you,
whether
you
want
to
do
this
or
not.
But
I
always
like
to
leave
space
for
those
who
maybe
don't
live
in
this
endosphere,
is
like
what
I
like
to
call
it,
to
ask
me
questions.
And
I
will
ask,
answer
them
to
the
best
of
my
ability.
Again,
not
an
expert,
not
a
doctor,
just
a
lived
experience
in
a
patient.
So,
do
you
have
any
questions
that
you
are
dying
to
ask
me?

SPEAKER_00
1:03:16

I
mean,
I'm
curious
because
they're,
you
know,
it's
a
niche
in
itself
to
be
chronically
ill,
then
it's
a
niche
within
that
to
be
a
chronically
ill
wife
and
mother.
And
so
that
is
a
lot
of
where
my
interests
lie.
How
do
you
juggle
being
a
wife
and
mother
with
your
chronic
illnesses?

SPEAKER_02
1:03:35

With
honesty.
With
honesty.
I
think
I
think
as
parents,
we
sometimes
try
to
hide
what
we're
going
through
with
our
kids.
And
I'm
not
saying
we
have
to
sit
and
dwell
on
it,
but
I
do
think
that
we
have
to
be
honest
because
I
think
the
harm
sometimes
can
be
done
when
you
push
yourself
so
far
to
cover
up
what's
really
going
on
so
that
you
can
be
normal,
so
to
speak,
whatever
normal
is,
right?
If
you're
being
honest
with
your
kids
and
saying
this
is
kind
of
a
hard
day
for
me,
I'll
do
the
best
that
I
can.
I
think
they're
willing
to
give
you
more
grace,
but
also
like
meet
you
where
you're
at.
They're
learning
that
honesty,
they're
learning
how
to
listen
to
their
bodies,
they're
learning
how
to
advocate
for
themselves
to
everyone
in
their
family,
right?
Right.
And
so,
as
someone
who
has
daughters
who
will
potentially
have
the
same
diagnoses
as
I
do,
I
want
to
teach
them
that
it's
okay
to
not
be
okay.
Yeah.
You
know,
it's
okay
to
say,
I'm
really
struggling
today,
I'm
really
tired
today,
my
fatigue
is
awful
today.
And
but
also
see
on
the
other
end
how
I
navigate
that,
you
know,
and
that
no
matter
what
I'm
dealing
with,
no
matter
the
pain,
the
fatigue,
the
brain
fog,
no
matter
my
love
for
them
doesn't
change.
Yeah.
And
my
desire
to
be
their
mom
doesn't
change.
And
so
from
that
perspective,
I
have
to
give
myself
the
grace
to
be
honest,
to
be
to
be
what
I
am,
while
also
really
impressing
on
my
kids
that
the
love
will
not
change,

Intimacy, Seasons, And Connection

SPEAKER_02
1:05:12

regardless.
And
if
they
have
fear
over
potentially
going
through
the
same
thing,
I
always,
always
tell
them
I
will
be
your
number
one
advocate.
Yeah.
And
I
teach
my
girls,
even
in
school,
whether
it's
in
math
class
or
they're
struggling
with
friends
or
whatever,
you
need
to
advocate
for
yourself.
And
it
starts
in
those
little
itty
bitty
ways
of
like,
how
do
you
advocate
for
yourself?
And
it
can
start
in
school.
So
those
are
some
of
the
things
that
I
kind
of
do.
And
and
I
also
sit
and
and
you
know,
leave
space
for
grief.
Yeah.
I
talk
to
my
husband
about
the
areas
that
I'm
struggl
struggling
with,
and
I
yell
sometimes,
but
not
at
him,
but
I
yell
because
I'm
mad.
Yeah.
Like
I
and
I
always
go
to
And
say,
I'm
mad
right
now.
I'm
this
is
how
I
start.
I
don't
need
you
to
fix
this.
I
just
need
you
to
listen.
The
foundation
had
some
good
because
they
want
fixers,
you
know?
And
so
I
will
say,
I
don't
need
you
to
fix
this.
I
just
need
you
to
listen.
And
I
will
just
wolf,
you
know,
I'll
work
on
it.
Yeah.
You
know?
And
so
I
think
that
opens
space,
but
I
also
encourage
him
to
find
other
people
that
have
the
same
experience.
Right.
Because
I
think
that
when
you
have
a
support
person
that
is
a
caretaker
a
lot
of
the
time,
they
need
an
outlet
for
that
too.

SPEAKER_00
1:06:43

Yes.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
1:06:44

They
have
a
really
hard
job.
Chronic
illness
is
hard,
yeah.
But
I
honestly
think
it
is
harder
for
the
my
support
people.

SPEAKER_00
1:06:51

I
agree
though.
Like
that's
kind
of
I've
actually
made
a
shift
this
year
in
my
content
to
kind
of
really
like
bring
conversation
to
both
perspectives,
both
the
those
that
are
going
through
chronic
illness
and
the
person
that's
giving
care.
And
because
it
just
everybody
needs
to
have
that
community
and
that
place
to
feel
like
I
belong
here,
people
get
it
here.
So
yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
1:07:12

Intimacy
different
for
everyone
too.
That's
the
other
thing.
Like
in
your
marriage,
intimacy
looks
different
for
everyone.
Yes.
So
to
be
to
compare
that
aspect,
intimacy
could
be
legitimately
just
hanging
out
together.

SPEAKER_00
1:07:25

Yeah.
And
and
that's
kind
of,
yeah,
that's
what
we're
trying
to
open
up
this
year
about
is
just
like
there
are
phases
where
it's
one
way
and
there
are
phases
where
it's
another
and
both
can
exist.
That
doesn't
mean
that
your
marriage
is
failing.
It
doesn't
mean
that
they're
not
in
love
with
you
or
any
of
those
things
anymore.
It's
just,
I
don't
think
it's
far
from
a
lot
of
marriages.
No.
But
we're
just
kind
of
going
through
unique
experiences.
So
it's
just
kind
of
hard
to
feel
like,
oh,
you
know,
this
isn't
working
out.
I
think
a
lot
of
marriages
just
go
through
really
hard
phases.
So
I
think
it's
great
though,
too,
that
you
you
have
really
been
transparent
back
to
that
word
again
with
your
kids
of
just
the
reality,
but
then
also
making
sure
that
they
know
that
you're
in
your
their
corner
through
it
all,
whatever
they
need,
emotionally,
mentally,
physically.
Yeah,
as
a
mother
should
and
does.

SPEAKER_02
1:08:13

So
right,
right.
Yeah.
And
you
know,
not
everyone
is
gonna
have
kids,
and
not
everyone
and
and
and
those
who
want,
you
know,
especially
when
you
have
endo,
a
lot
of
people
don't
have
that
ability
anymore.
Right.
And
they
so
desperately
want
it,
you
know.
And
and
if
that
is
you,
I
stand
in
space
with
you.
I
hear
you,
I
see
you.
It
is
hard.
But
it
gives
you
room
to
love
on
others.
You
can
find
blessings
in
every
avenue,
right?
Yeah.
But
it
is
um,
it
is
challenging
to
be
a
mom
with
chronic
illness.
It
is.

SPEAKER_00
1:08:48

It
is
it
is
it's
super
hard,
but
I
love
it
in
ways,
like
not
that
I
love
being
sick
doing
it.
It's
just
like
I
it
is
the
road
that
I
wanted.

unknown
1:08:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00
1:08:58

It's
the
road
I
wanted,
and
not
everybody
wants
it,
or
those
that
want
it,
they
can't
have
it.
Like
you
said,
uh
my
heart
hurts
because
I
I
I
wish
everybody
could
have
what
they
want
in
a
lot
of
ways.
But
yeah,
I
think
that
those
that
I've
talked
with
that
are
struggling
with
um
infertility
or
they
just
they're
not
even
with
somebody
to
like
make
that
happen,
then
then
there's
just
still
ways
that
you
can
give
that
nurturing
care
to
those
in
your
little
bubble,
your
neighbors,
you
know,
the
the
spaces
that
you're
a
part
of.
But
I
feel
it's
really
cool
to
sit
down
with
another
individual
whose
chronic
illnesses
we
cross
over
in
some
ways.
Yeah.
We're
also
very
much
trying
to
do
very
similar
things
in
our
lives.
That's
where
I
think
it's
great
that
you're
doing
this
podcast,
even
outside
of
your
comfort
zone
with
endometriosis,
because
we're
all
actually
living
pretty
similar
experiences.
It's
just
kind
of
a
little
bit
unique
in
some
spaces.

SPEAKER_02
1:09:55

So
and
that
lived
experience,
like
I
said,
it
it
can
transcend
any
diagnoses,
right?
Yeah.
So
I
think
that
has
something
to
do
with
it

Where To Find Cody And Closing

SPEAKER_02
1:10:05

and
is
talking
to
others
who
just
get
it,
despite
maybe
not
having
the
same
chronic
illness,
is
powerful.
But
I
have
so
enjoyed
this
time
and
just
sitting
down
with
you
and
hearing
the
rhythms
of
the
oxygen
math.

SPEAKER_00
1:10:22

I
don't
it's
you
are
only
listening.
This
is
oxygen
that
you're
hearing
this
whole
time.

SPEAKER_02
1:10:29

But
it's
great
because
that
is
the
reality
that
we
live
with.
That's
my
reality.
That's
your
reality.
And
um,
and
it's
keeping
you
alive
and
you
know,
keep
able
to
do
this.
So
that's
it's
it's
a
gift
to
hear
that.
And
and
it's
rhythmic
and
kind
of
kind
of
peaceful
for
me.

SPEAKER_00
1:10:49

So
I
just
thought
it
was
like
a
little
ocean,
like
if
the
ocean
went
shh
every
now
and
again.

SPEAKER_02
1:10:57

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_00
1:10:58

I
don't
know.
It's
just
the
waves
splashing,
okay?
That's
right.
Little,
yeah,
once
it
gets
all
the
way
up
to
the
sand.
Yes.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02
1:11:06

Look
at
it
that
way.
Makes
so
much
more
fun.
But
it's
just
been
such
a
sweet
time
to
sit
with
you
and
and
laugh.
It's
just
been
so
refreshing.
So
thank
you
for
taking
the
time.
For
those
who
want
to
follow
you,
those
who
want
to
learn
more
about
who
you
are
and
and
what
you're
going
through,
where
can
they
find
you?

SPEAKER_00
1:11:26

It's
pretty
much
an
issue
with
Cody
across
everywhere.
So
I've
got
a
website
now,
that's
where
I
blog.
Um,
I've
got
uh
Instagram,
Facebook,
and
TikTok.
That's
what
I
have
other
things
in
the
work,
but
that's
that's
where
I'm
definitely
at
right
now
is
those
spaces
where
you
can
read
my
blog
and
you
can
find
my
podcast
on
Spotify
too.
I
guess
I
that
I
need
to
get
back
to
that.
That's
kind
of
taking
a
really
big
hiatus
right
now,
but
there's
some
episodes
on
there.
Um
but
an
issue
with
Cody,
it
kind
of
comes
from
just
because
I'm
a
Christian,
uh,
with
the
woman
with
an
issue
of
blood.
That's
kind
of
what
if
you
can
if
you
know
that
verse
with
an
issue
with
blood,
that's
where
it
inspired
what
I
talk
about,
because
I
have
an
issue
of
blood.
So
it's
an
issue
with
Cody,
because
uh
I've
got
lots
of
issues.
So
yeah,
that's
that's
where
that's
where
you
can
find
me
if
you
if
you
want
to
hear
me
be
goofy
and
and
chatter
on.
A
lot
of
my
focus
this
year
is
going
to
be
on
um
relationships,
most
like
foremost,
and
then
like
my
second
tier
would
be
probably
like
family
relationships,
like
as
far
as
like
with
kids.
But
I
my
goal
is
that
other
marriages
or
partnerships
or
whatever
level
it
is,
have
the
tools
and
have
the
resources
so
that
more
people
can
successfully
go
through
the
hard
together
so
that
way
they
don't
feel
so
alone
and
that
they
also
know
how
to
ask
the
right
questions
to
help
support
each
other
because
the
support
does
need
to
go
both
ways.
So
that's
kind
of
if
that
is
your
thing,
that's
your
jam,
come
come
hang
out
with
me.
And
perfect,
yeah.
So
I
really
appreciate
that
you
reached
out.
Um
this
was
great.
This
was
so
fun.
This
is
this
really
felt
so
casual.
I
was
like
so
nervous.
This
felt
like
any
other
conversation.

SPEAKER_02
1:13:11

So
that's
we
all
just
need
to
have
these
conversations
sometimes.
That's
that's
where
we
learn
the
most
sometimes,
is
when
we
put
aside
the
script
and
just
dig
in
together
and
invite
each
other
into
each
other's
spaces
so
that
we
can
learn
and
grow
and
become
stronger
humans.
Exactly.
But
thank
you
so
much.
I
look
forward
to
continuing
this
at
some
point
because
I'm
sure
we
will.
We
gotta
do
so.
Yeah,
100%.
Absolutely.
Until
next
time,
everyone,
continue
advocating
for
you
and
for
others.