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Chronic illness does not just change a body, it changes a marriage, a home, and the way your kids understand safety. I sit down with writer and advocate Kody Adamson to talk about what happens when your health shifts early in a relationship and you are suddenly trying to hold love, parenting, and survival at the same time.
Kody gets brutally honest about the emotional weight that follows: mom guilt, wife guilt, anger, sadness, and the feeling of missing out on your own life. We talk about why humor helps but cannot carry everything, and how couples can “regroup and reconnect” when one person is running on fumes. If you have ever apologized for the dishes, the laundry, or the plans you had to cancel, you will feel seen here.
We also dig into the hardest layer: kids. Kody shares what it is like when children grow old enough to realize their family looks different, including how their reactions to seizures change over time. We explore simple, practical ways to build connection on bedbound days, like inviting your child to bring their Legos or drawings to you, turning limited energy into focused closeness. We also discuss therapy for children and partners, plus a powerful communication tool they used during a tough season: a “transparency journal” with a 48 hour response rule.
If you are navigating chronic illness, disability, endometriosis related fatigue, caregiving stress, or the mental load of parenting while unwell, this quick connect offers real strategies and real hope without sugarcoating. Subscribe for more short expert conversations, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the question you want us to answer next.
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SPEAKER_00
0:00
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I'm
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host,
Alana,
and
it's
time
to
connect.
Meet Cody And The Reality Check
SPEAKER_00
0:41
Today
I'm
joined
by
Cody,
who
is
a
writer,
advocate,
wife,
and
mom
who
has
spent
the
last
decade
navigating
life
with
chronic
illness,
alongside
love,
parenting,
and
all
the
messy
realities
in
between.
After
her
health
dramatically
changed
early
in
her
relationship,
Cody
and
her
partner
faced
challenges
that
tested
everything
they
thought
they
knew
about
marriage,
resilience,
and
partnership.
Through
honesty,
humor,
and
a
whole
lot
of
lived
experience,
Cody
shares
what
chronic
illness
has
taught
her
about
relationships,
self-worth,
and
survival.
Not
the
polished
version,
but
the
real
one.
Join
me
in
welcoming
Cody
Adamson
to
the
table.
Mom Guilt, Wife Guilt, And Humor
SPEAKER_00
1:20
How
do
you
navigate
this
as
a
as
a
wife,
as
a
mother?
Because
humor
is
great
and
it's
a
really
good
medicine,
but
it
doesn't
solve
all
your
problems.
And
you
have
a
lot
that
comes
to
you.
And
if
you're
anything
like
me,
there's
a
lot
of
mom
guilt,
there's
a
lot
of
wife
guilt,
there's
a
lot
of
like,
I
don't
want
to
say
shame.
I
don't
I
don't
have
shame
behind
my
body,
but
there's
anger,
there's
sadness,
you
know,
that
you're
feeling
like
you're
missing
out.
How
have
you
navigated
that?
SPEAKER_01
1:53
Well,
still
with
humor.
I
told
my
husband
to
divorce
me
today.
And
he
knew
I
was
joking,
I
was
just
like,
just
divorce
me
already.
I
haven't
been
able
to
do
the
dishes
in
days.
And
I
just
feel
really
bad.
Anyways,
just
been
laying
in
bed,
honestly,
um,
for
four
days
now.
Yeah.
Helping Kids Feel Close During Seizures
SPEAKER_01
2:12
So,
but
I
mean,
like
underneath
the
humor,
where
I
get
the
most
tender
is
with
my
kids.
Like
my
husband's
a
grown
man,
he
can
take
it.
You
know,
there
have
been
moments
though
where
he
isn't
taking
it
well,
and
we
have
to
really
regroup
and
reconnect.
With
my
kids,
though,
they
they're
experiencing
life
through
such
a
different
lens
than
all
of
their
friends.
And
I
think
they're
just
now
approaching
the
age
where
they
know
it's
different.
And
I
was
actually
just
talking
to
my
husband
about
this
this
morning
is
that
there's
another
gal
that
I
follow.
She's
got
two
very
young
kids,
like
a
toddler
and
an
infant.
And
she
has
this
moment
where
she's
having
a
seizure
and
the
little
toddler's
just
like
walking
around
her,
like,
no,
no,
no,
this
is
what
mom
does.
And
my
kids
used
to
be
that
way.
But
now
when
I
have
a
seizure,
they
cry
and
they
don't
know
what
to
do.
And
so
honestly,
like
our
biggest
focus
is
making
sure
that
our
kids
feel
connected
to
us.
It's
was
tempting
and
at
times
still
is
for
me
to
push
them
all
away.
Um
because
if
they
have
less
of
me,
maybe
I
won't
hurt
them
as
much,
is
kind
of
like
the
silly
mentality
behind
that.
But
instead,
that
was
just
doing
more
damage.
And
so
now,
like
when
I'm
having
bad
days,
I
try
to
hold
them
a
little
bit
more,
even
if
it's
just
in
my
bed.
Or
I
ask
them
to
bring
me
something
that
they're
working
on.
Like,
bring
it
to
mommy.
I
want
to
see
it.
Show
me
your
Legos,
show
me
what
you're
coloring,
you
know,
just
so
that
they
really
feel
feel
like
maybe
when
mommy's
not
well,
this
is
special
mommy
time.
I
don't,
they're
still
so
young.
They're
seven
and
four,
so
I
can't
really
like
ask
them,
like,
do
you
feel
better
when
we
hang
out
and
look
at
your
Legos?
Like,
I
don't
know.
But
giving
what
I
can
when
I
can
is
pretty
much
the
only
option
I've
got.
Right.
And
I
just
hope
and
pray
that
in
the
end,
I
mean,
arguably
they're
gonna
have
trauma.
And
um
I
hope
that
therapist
does
well
for
them.
But
um,
I
hope
that
like
it's
at
least
sweetened
with
little
memories
of,
yeah,
my
mom
spent
a
lot
of
time
in
bed,
but
then
we
got
to
like
watch
movies
together,
we
got
to
snuggle,
we
got
to
play
Legos.
Therapy And The Transparency Journal
SPEAKER_01
4:34
I
don't
know.
It's
it's
really
tricky
to
navigate
because
it
is
a
very
emotional
thing
for
them.
And
in
fact,
I
mean,
we're
we're
about
to
sign
my
seven-year-old
up
for
therapy
just
because
he's
having
an
emotional
reaction
sometimes
that
we
just
don't
know
how
to
handle.
SPEAKER_00
4:50
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01
4:51
And
so
it's
just
we're
just
using
what
tools
we
can.
With
my
husband,
you
know,
he's
um
done
his
own
therapy
bouts
with
it
because
there's
just
times
where
he
can't
come
to
me
to
express
how
upset
he
is,
because
arguably
it's
upsetting
for
me
to
hear
it.
Um,
and
so
that's
been
a
very
useful
tool.
But
I
know
that
like
overall,
I
think
being
really
transparent,
we've
say
that
word
a
lot.
Let's
be
transparent
right
now.
Like,
how
are
you
feeling?
How
are
you
doing
mentally?
With
with
my
husband,
the
transparency,
we
even
for
a
while
there
did
what
we
call
a
transparency
journal
where
um
it
was
getting
really
hard
for
us
to
talk
about
how
hard
things
were
without
getting
emotional.
Um,
and
so
we
would
write
out
all
of
our
thoughts
of
like
whatever,
and
then
we'd
hand
it
to
the
other
person
and
we
had
a
rule
that
they
had
to
answer
it
in
48
hours.
And
so
they
got
to
sit
down
with
these
thoughts,
these
emotions
when
they
were
ready
for
it,
and
then
express
their
thoughts
and
emotions
kind
of
without
the
odds
of
like
anybody
interrupting
it,
anybody
saying
they're
wrong.
Right.
And
that
actually
was
really
healing
for
a
phase
in
our
marriage
where
we
were
really
struggling
to
feel
connected.
So
it
takes
work.
unknown
6:13
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01
6:14
It
it
unfortunately,
if
you're
chronically
ill,
you're
working
really
hard
just
for
what
a
lot
of
people
would
take
for
granted.
Yeah.
But
for
me,
it
makes
the
reward
of
those
relationships
so
much
richer.
I
love
my
kids
and
I
love
my
husband
because
we've
taken
that
time
to
pour
that
love
into
those
relationships.
Wrap Up And Send Your Questions
SPEAKER_00
6:40
That's
a
wrap
for
this
quick
connect.
I
hope
today's
insights
helped
you
move
forward
with
more
clarity
and
confidence.
Do
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Keep
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